Another day, another American military operation to save the world from another socialist dictator – and now the snowflakes in the Caribbean are whining about their cancelled flights. In the middle of a highly successful operation to capture Venezuelan tyrant Nicolas Maduro – a man who replaced his country’s economy with a pet rock collection – the FAA had to shut down airspace. And suddenly, everyone’s a foreign policy expert.
Julie Hurwitz, fresh off a week in the U.S. Virgin Islands, was “shocked” to learn her Delta flight was cancelled via a 3 a.m. text message with “no information, really.” Oh, really, Julie? You mean to tell me you didn’t see the international news about a U.S. military operation to capture a socialist dictator? Maybe try turning off your reality TV and checking the news, honey. The whole world knew except for you and your extended family, apparently.
Hurwitz and her party of 12 were left scrambling for a place to stay, and I’m sure they were just devastated. Camping? Oh, the horror! Imagine sleeping under the stars without Wi-Fi. I’m sure the socialist utopia in Venezuela is just full of five-star hotels and unlimited data plans, right?
And let’s not forget about the other victims of this tragedy – Kelly and John Maher from Grosse Pointe, Michigan. They were about to board a ferry when they found out their flight was cancelled. They had to resort to “whispering amongst the people who are waiting for the ferry” to find out what was going on. Oh, the humanity! They heard “chatter” about “military action” and were left in a state of utter confusion. Maybe next time, try checking the news instead of relying on ferry gossip.
And in a plot twist no one saw coming, Leonardo DiCaprio missed the Palm Springs International Film Festival because his flight was grounded. The horror! The absolute horror! How will the world survive without Leo’s presence at a film festival? I’m sure the film industry will never recover.
But fear not, dear snowflakes, because the airlines are now adding more flights to accommodate your delicate sensibilities. American Airlines is even throwing in a Boeing 777-300, one of the largest aircraft in its fleet, to help ease your “travel disruptions.” Yes, that’s right, a military operation to capture a socialist dictator is now being referred to as a “travel disruption.”
So, to all the whiny vacationers out there: maybe next time, try to be a little more aware of what’s happening in the world. Or better yet, try supporting your country’s efforts to rid the world of socialist dictators instead of complaining about your cancelled flights. After all, it’s not every day that you get to witness history being made – even if it does mess up your tanning schedule.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
