Slaughter to Prevail drops “Grizzly,” probably about as ferocious as a Care Bear with a hangover 🐻😴.

Oh sweet mother of Putin, brace yourselves, comrades! 🇷🇺🐻 Your favorite Russian deathcore export, SLAUGHTER TO PREVAIL, is dropping their new album, “Grizzly,” on July 18th via those capitalist pigs at Sumerian Records. And guess what? They’ve unleashed a brand new single, “Russian Grizzly In America,” which is basically the musical equivalent of a vodka-fueled bear wrestling match in Times Square. 🐻🗽 Because subtlety is for the weak!

Alex “Terrible” (more like Alex “Trying-Too-Hard-To-Be-Scary”) Terrible himself claims this is the *best* album they’ve ever written. Oh really, Alex? 🤔 Because last time I checked, your “best” was still just a collection of guttural noises and breakdowns that sound suspiciously like a washing machine eating a bag of rusty nails. But hey, at least they took their time this time, which probably means they spent an extra five minutes tuning their guitars to drop Z or whatever ridiculous tuning makes your ears bleed the most.

SLAUGHTER TO PREVAIL are, apparently, “pushing heavy music to new extremes.” Translation: they’re making music that’s so heavy, it’ll crush your soul and leave you questioning your life choices. And with over one million monthly Spotify listeners, they’re apparently the “highest streaming band in extreme music.” Which just proves that the internet is full of people with questionable taste and a penchant for earplugs. 🎧

Their origin story is basically a metalhead fairytale: a Russian dude yelling into a microphone in his bedroom meets a British dude shredding on guitar in his shed. And thus, SLAUGHTER TO PREVAIL was born! It’s like the metal version of “Romeo and Juliet,” except instead of star-crossed lovers, it’s two dudes obsessed with making the most brutal music possible.

Alex started his career by covering bands like Slipknot and Linkin Park on YouTube. I bet those covers were just screaming and yelling, huh? 🤣 Then Sumerian Records, bless their cotton socks, decided to give these guys a chance. Hundreds of millions of streams later, and Sumerian Records are probably regretting their decision, but hey, at least they’re making money off the suffering of metal fans everywhere. 🤑

But wait, there’s more! Alex “Terrible” is also a bare-knuckle boxer! 🥊 Because apparently screaming into a microphone isn’t enough to satisfy his bloodlust. He’s knocked people out in 37 seconds! Which is probably longer than most of their songs. He’s wrestling bears in Siberia! (Okay, maybe not really, but it sounds cool, right?). Alex thrives in the most unforgiving environments, because, you know, Russia. 🇷🇺

This summer, they’re hitting up all the major festivals. Their logo will be plastered all over the posters, because nothing says “metal” like a band that’s trying way too hard to be edgy. And they’re promising a “brand-new live show” that’s even more “punishing” than before. Prepare for sensory overload, folks! 😵‍💫

And now, for the grand finale: “Grizzly,” their most anticipated release yet! It’s got all the hits: “Conflict,” “Viking,” “1984,” “Behelit,” and “Kid Of Darkness.” And of course, the pièce de résistance, “Russian Grizzly In America,” which is guaranteed to be stuck in your head for weeks, whether you like it or not. It’s “packed with hooks strong enough to hang a bear from.” Yeah, and also strong enough to make you question your sanity. 🤪

Here’s the tracklist, in case you’re a masochist:

01. Banditos (Probably about stealing vodka)
02. Russian Grizzly In America (Because subtlety is for losers)
03. Imdead (feat. Ronnie Radke) (Because why not?)
04. Babayka (Sounds like a Pokémon)
05. Viking (RAID!!!)
06. Koschei (I have no idea what this means)
07. Song 3 (feat. BABYMETAL) (Wait, what?)
08. Lift That Shit (I can do that!)
09. Behelit (Still don’t know what this means)
10. Rodina (Motherland!)
11. Conflict (Because metal is all about peace and harmony)
12. Kid Of Darkness (Edgy!)
13. 1984 (Orwell is spinning in his grave)

Chord F. Discord

Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”

Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.

Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.