Wow, hold onto your dentures, folks!👵👴 The geriatrics of thrash metal, DEATH ANGEL, bless their ancient souls, have finally cranked out some noise pollution they’re calling a music video for their groundbreaking track, “Wrath (Bring Fire)”. 🔥 Apparently, this cinematic masterpiece was captured by the visionary Edgar Salazar during the “Summer Of Wrath Tour 2025” in Europe. I didn’t know they were still touring. Must be fun to watch them on stage with their walking canes🧎!
So, “Wrath (Bring Fire)” dropped back in May, and DEATH ANGEL‘s very own Mark Osegueda, bless his heart, decided to share his wisdom: “‘Wrath(Bring Fire)’ is the first DEATH ANGEL song featuring the whole band to be released since our 2019 Grammy-nominated album ‘Humanicide’.” A whole six years? Someone get these guys a walker and a nap!💤 But wait, there’s more! Apparently, this lyrical genius was struck during the pandemic. He was “stuck at home lost, angry and very confused.” Sounds about right for 2021. 🤪
But the real kicker? Medieval/fantasy shows! That’s right, folks, this song is inspired by knights, dragons, and probably a whole lot of chainmail chafing. Osegueda eloquently explains, “An ancient/medieval fantasy end of the world war meets my actual approach in disputes.” Translation: He watched too much “Game of Thrones” and now thinks he’s Daenerys Targaryen, but with a microphone.🎤🐉 “When I come, I’ll bring FIRE!!” he proclaims. More like, “When I come, I’ll bring Bengay and Metamucil!”
But wait, there’s more cringe! DEATH ANGEL, in their infinite wisdom, are celebrating the 35th anniversary of their album “Act III” by playing it in its entirety on a fall 2025 U.S. tour. Supporting acts include VIO-LENCE, LIONS AT THE GATE, and MISFIRE. I have never heard of them, and I do not care! Get ready for a night of metal so old, it’s practically fossilized.🦴
And because one dinosaur act isn’t enough, DEATH ANGEL guitarist Ted Aguilar, bless his soul, revealed they have “a bunch of songs, a lot of skeletons” for their next album. Skeletons? More like, “Skeletons in the closet because their ideas are so outdated!”💀 He said they spent the first three months of the year writing. Writing? More like trying to remember how to hold their instruments. 🎸
Oh, and because he isn’t busy enough with DEATH ANGEL, Osegueda is the featured singer on SLAYER guitarist Kerry King‘s solo album, “From Hell I Rise.” Sounds like a match made in… well, not heaven, that’s for sure. More like a nursing home talent show. 🧓
In another groundbreaking interview, Cavestany confirmed new DEATH ANGEL music was in the works. “I don’t like divulging the ‘play by play’; I’d rather news came out when there is substantial information to speak of,” he said. Substantial information? From DEATH ANGEL? Good luck with that, buddy! 🤣 He did mention they’re working on around seven songs. Seven songs? That’s like, a whole album’s worth of ear torture! 👂
Also, DEATH ANGEL drummer Will Carroll chimed in, saying he was “stoked” about the new music. “The creative juices are flowing and things are moving along at a very productive rate,” he wrote. Creative juices? More like prune juice! I bet it’s “flowing” to get things moving along at a productive rate. 🍑
He added, “I can’t wait for the DA fans around the world to hear this new material and hopefully we’ll make some new ones along the way. Exciting times indeed.” New fans? Honey, they’re lucky if their existing fans can still hear! 👵
Back in January 2024, Will said they were “hard at work getting” the album “written and completely demo’d.” Hard at work? More like hard of hearing! I bet their demos sound like someone gargling gravel. 🪨
According to Aguilar, “when it comes down to writing, it’s all Rob.” So basically, one guy is responsible for this mess. Thanks, Rob! 👍 He comes up with a basic structure, and him and Will “hash it all out.” I bet “hashing it out” involves a lot of yelling and throwing dentures. 🗣️
And here’s the kicker: Rob has a vision, and everyone else just plays along. Sounds like a dictatorship to me! 👑 But hey, at least Aguilar gets to write some stuff too. He sends it to Rob with the disclaimer, “If it’s good, use it. If not, if you find parts are good, use it. If it’s not good, it’s okay, dude.” Translation: “Please, Rob, just acknowledge my existence!” 🥺
In conclusion, DEATH ANGEL is still kicking (sort of), and they’re determined to keep churning out metal for the geriatric crowd. So grab your walkers, stock up on prune juice, and get ready for a night of thrash metal so old, it’s practically a museum exhibit.🏛️ You’ve been warned!
Oh, and by the way, they released a live album called “The Bastard Tracks” in 2021. Because who doesn’t love a live album of “rarely and never performed songs”? Sounds like a guaranteed snoozefest to me!😴
And let’s not forget their 2020 EP, “Under Pressure,” featuring a cover of QUEEN + David Bowie‘s classic. Because nothing says “thrash metal” like a Queen cover. I bet Freddie Mercury is rolling in his grave. 🪦
Oh, and Carroll almost died from COVID-19 back in 2020. Maybe that’s why their new music sounds so… well, you know.😷
And they were nominated for a Grammy! For “Best Metal Performance”! I guess the bar is pretty low these days.🤷
So there you have it, folks. The saga of DEATH ANGEL continues. May God have mercy on our ears.🙏
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
