Behold! PRESIDENT, the most mysterious (and probably overhyped) masked British rock band EVER, has graced us with their debut single, “In The Name Of The Father.” Rumor has it, and by rumor, we mean it’s so blatantly obvious it’s practically carved into Stonehenge, that this is the brainchild of none other than Charlie Simpson. Yes, THAT Charlie Simpson, the guy who went from pop-punk heartthrob in BUSTED to screaming his lungs out in FIGHTSTAR. This sonic masterpiece (or disasterpiece, depending on your tolerance for existential dread) is brought to you by King Of Terrors/ADA. Oh, and guess who’s listed as the director of King Of Terrors Limited? Why, it’s only Charles Robert Simpson himself! Shocker! 😱
The press release, dripping with more pretension than a French art film, describes “In The Name Of The Father” as “a raw meditation on existential fear and the inevitability of death, referencing the ‘King Of Terrors.'” Yeah, because that’s EXACTLY what the world needs right now. More doom and gloom! Thanks, guys! 🙄
PRESIDENT, in their infinite wisdom, released a statement that sounds like it was written by a robot trying to be profound: “Something has been stirring. A growing noise, a ripple through the republic of the underground. We called. You listened. Your curiosity, your questions, your conversation… We have witnessed it all.” Okay, cool story, bro. Did you also witness me making a sandwich? Because that was pretty epic too. 🥪
“Here, we make our first proclamation. ‘In The Name Of The Father’. This is the first crack in the surface. This is your PRESIDENT. We’ll be seeing you soon.” More like “We’ll be seeing you try to figure out who we are for the next six months while we milk this mystery for all it’s worth.” Godspeed to you too, I guess. May your journey be filled with more self-importance than a cat wearing a crown. 👑
Apparently, PRESIDENT operates “at the intersection of heavy music, electronic experimentation, and cinematic atmosphere.” Translation: they threw a bunch of genres into a blender and hoped for the best. They also claim to prioritize “intent over image,” which is hilarious considering they’re wearing masks and shrouding themselves in secrecy. It’s like saying, “We’re not about the fame, we just want everyone to know how deep and mysterious we are!” 🤔
Remember that time PRESIDENT announced they’d be playing Download festival? The internet went into a frenzy trying to figure out who these masked marvels were. The only clue we got was a blurry photo of a shadowy figure against a red neon-lit backdrop. Riveting stuff! It was giving me major “I took this photo on my Motorola Razr” vibes. 🤳
But fear not, intrepid internet sleuths! A Reddit user, armed with nothing but a keyboard and an insatiable desire to uncover the truth, discovered that the U.K. trademark for “PRESIDENT” was registered under Komorebi Entertainment Limited, a company owned by…wait for it…Simpson! You can’t hide from the internet, Charlie! We know your secrets! 🕵️♀️
Let’s not forget Simpson‘s previous foray into masked madness. He graced the British version of “The Masked Singer” in 2023 as Rhino. Because nothing screams “rock star” like dressing up as a giant horned mammal and belting out pop songs. 🦏
So, if you’re feeling particularly bored on Sunday, June 15th, and have nothing better to do than watch a masked man (who we all know is Charlie Simpson) prance around on stage, head on over to the Dogtooth Stage at Download at 4:25 p.m. Prepare to be underwhelmed… or maybe pleasantly surprised? Who knows! 🤷♀️
Charlie, the 39-year-old multi-instrumentalist (because apparently being in two bands wasn’t enough), was born into a musical family. He started his career in BUSTED, where he wrote songs about wanting his friend’s mom, before transitioning to the angst-ridden world of FIGHTSTAR, where he screamed about… well, I’m not entirely sure what he screamed about, but it sounded very important at the time. 🎤
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
