Daniel Penny Jury Deliberations Delayed Due To Three Jurors Being Severely Beaten On Subway Ride To Courthouse
NEW YORK CITY — Jury deliberations in the trial of Daniel Penny were delayed this afternoon after three of the…
Day: December 4, 2024
Cherished Pet Lives On As WiFi Password
MONTROSE, OH — Despite her passing, local family pet “Miss Dixie” continues to live on as the WiFi password for…
🎸 British Band Sports Team Robbed at Gunpoint in Sunny California — Welcome to America!
The six-piece London-based indie rock band Sports Team had a rude awakening to the American Dream just ten minutes into…
Standing Desk Celebrates 4th Year At Lowest Possible Setting
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Standing Desk Celebrates 4th Year At Lowest Possible Setting appeared first on The Onion.
To Increase Excitement, MLB To Allow Each Team To Call In One Tactical Air Strike Per Game
NEW YORK, NY — In addition to exploring the use of a “golden at-bat” in which teams could send their…
Trump Announces Plan To Annex Canada And Rename It ‘Gay North Dakota’
PALM BEACH, FL — In his most impactful promise yet in the lead-up to being inaugurated in January, President-elect Donald…
How The Trump Administration Will Carry Out Mass Deportation
Read MoreThe OnionPresident-elect Donald Trump pledged to fulfill his campaign promise of removing millions of undocumented immigrants in a “record-setting…
Confused Senior Citizen Pledges $1 Billion To Exiled Nigerian Prince
WORLD — After receiving a compelling email, a confused senior citizen has reportedly pledged to give one billion dollars to…
Nation’s Mumblers March On Washington Demanding Something Or Other
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With a half-whispered murmur of “Hey, hey, ho, ho, [inaudible] has got to [inaudible],” thousands of the nation’s…