Newly Discovered Scroll Reveals Fourth Wise Man Who Brought Baby Jesus A Priceless Lego Millennium Falcon
JERUSALEM — A tale retold at Christmastime for thousands of years was shaken up this week, as a newly discovered…
Day: December 17, 2024
ABC Pays $15 Million To Settle Trump Defamation Suit
Read MoreThe OnionABC News agreed to pay $15 million toward Donald Trump’s presidential library to settle a defamation lawsuit over…
12 Democrats Boycotting Trump’s Inauguration
With plenty of hard feelings still lingering after Trump’s landslide election victory, more and more prominent Democrats have publicly declared…
Mass Effect 5 Goes Full MAGA?! Tucker Carlson to the Rescue! 🇺🇸🚀
In a move that has shocked the gaming world (and probably delighted a few basement-dwelling trolls), BioWare has reportedly stripped…
Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas appeared first on The Onion.
Too Far? Biden Pardons All Bicyclists
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Biden administration faced its fiercest wave of criticism yet with even the president’s most ardent supporters…
Clarence Thomas Wows Audiences With Starring Role In ‘Annie’
MANHATTAN, NY — Broadway audiences were in for a real treat when Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas took the stage…
God Locks Heavenly Gates After Spotting Mormon Missionaries Milling Around Outside
Read MoreThe OnionTHE HEAVENS—Groaning to Himself as the professionally dressed evangelists rounded the corner, the Lord God Almighty reportedly locked…
Biden Calls For New Gun Laws He Can Pardon His Son For Breaking
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After yet another tragic shooting, President Biden has just called for new gun control laws that he…
FEMA Administrator Resigns After Accidentally Playing Porn On Emergency Alert System
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Apologizing for the terrifying series of events that left shocked, confused, and disgusted citizens screaming, crying, and searching…