In Lieu Of Coal, Santa Gives Naughty Children Season Tickets For The Chicago White Sox
U.S. — Horrified kids across the United States were reportedly left severely disappointed yesterday, as they discovered that Santa Claus…
Day: December 26, 2024
🎤 «Mow or Die!» Anthrax Fans Demand Joey Belladonna’s Return to Horse Manure 🐴
In a shocking turn of events, fans of legendary thrash metal band Anthrax are clamoring for vocalist Joey Belladonna to…
Depraved Lawlessness: Biden Issues Full Pardon To Blippi
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what experts said was perhaps the final and most disturbing development in the long list of…
Surgeon General: ‘You Are Supposed To Be Able To Button Your Pants’
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Noting that the fasteners commonly found on most trousers were not merely ornamental, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued…
Chainsaw-Wielding Man Shot By Officers At Assisted Living Center
Read MoreThe OnionA man was shot and killed by police after allegedly threatening residents and staff of a suburban assisted…