‘Elon On The Shelf’ Installed In All Congressional Offices To Remind Lawmakers To Be Efficient
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-elect Donald Trump was still several weeks away from taking office, but the implementation of new policies…
Day: December 19, 2024
Civilization VII To Include ‘Bidenomics’ Tech Tree Upgrade Where Inflation Ruins Everything And Eggs Go Up To $12
SPARKS, MD — The hotly anticipated next installment of the popular Civilization franchise, Sid Meier’s Civilization VII, will reportedly expand…
Members Of Congress Explain They Need Pay Raises To Keep Up With The Inflation They Caused
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Though Americans were up in arms when news broke that lawmakers were pushing to give themselves an…
Building Shitty Gingerbread House Just Making Depression Worse
Read MoreThe OnionMINNEAPOLIS—Looking glumly at the mess of candies and royal icing, local 44-year-old Anthony Renton told reporters Thursday that…
8 Reasons Congress Deserves Raises
Is there any group of people that work harder than Congressmen? No. No there is not. And yet, these poor,…
Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! appeared first on The Onion.
Disgusting: New Woke Superman Movie Features Guy Wearing Underwear Over His Pants
WOKE ALERT! Hollywood is once again bringing its not-so-secret GAY AGENDA into your home with the new Superman film which…
Ignorant Boomer Tries To Pay With Cash
MILWAUKEE, WI — Recent security camera footage of Martha Holmes shows that the 73-year-old Wisconsin native ignorantly attempted to use…
🎶 Dave Grohl’s Daughter’s Band Drummer Fears «”Hawkins Destiny”» — And Backup Vocalist Channels Kurt Cobain! 🎤
Violet Grohl, the 18 – year – old daughter of rock legend Dave Grohl, is making waves with her upcoming…
Experts Recommend Putting Injured Person In Some Sort Of Cylindrical Tank Filled With Fluid
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Stressing that the procedure offered affected individuals their best chance at recuperation, experts at Northwestern University’s medical school…