13 Most Surprising Things In The New Spending Bill
Ostensibly designed to merely keep the government open until March, suspicions arose that the new spending bill may have a…
Day: December 18, 2024
Congress Warns Failure To Pass Spending Bill Might Delay Destruction Of The Country
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With time running short, Congress has warned that failure to pass a massive spending bill could result…
7 Ways ‘Die Hard’ Points Us To Jesus
It’s only a week until Christmas, which means two things — remembering the wonder of God sending Jesus into the…
Bald Man Presses Face To Window As Thick-Haired Family Sits Down To Dinner
Read MoreThe OnionBOSTON—Gazing longingly at the obvious warmth and good cheer within, local bald man Frank Richmond reportedly pressed his face to a window Wednesday as a thick-haired family inside…
Newborn Starting To Suspect There’s No Milk In This Pacifier
CHEYENNE, WY — Local newborn Sebastian Weaver III is starting to suspect this blue nipple he’s been furiously sucking on…
RFK Jr. Advises Children To Leave Out 8 Strips of Bacon And A Bowl of Beef Tallow For Santa This Year
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Robert F. Kennedy Jr. continued his campaign to make America healthy again by advising kids to leave…
FBI Assures Nation Drones Just U.S. Government Spying On Its Own Citizens
U.S. — FBI Director Christopher Wray sought to reassure Americans that the drones being spotted over New Jersey were simply…
😡 Audiences Roast Sony’s Kraven the Hunter Disaster: ‘Even Green-Haired Critics Hated It!
Sony’s latest superhero movie «Kraven the Hunter» has officially claimed the crown for the worst opening weekend in the studio’s…
CEO Motivates Self By Keeping Own Photo On Desk
Read MoreThe Oniony he comes to work every morning, Solarion Enterprises CEO Dan Lipcot told reporters Friday that in order…