Scientists Posit Theoretical Existence Of ‘Hootie And The Blowfish’ Fan Somewhere In The Universe
U.S. — Researchers with the National Institute of Science are now positing the theoretical existence of a Hootie and the…
Day: December 9, 2024
Assad Regime Leaves Note Thanking Locals For Supporting Family-Run Dictatorship
Read MoreThe OnionDAMASCUS—Stating that none of it would have been possible without the broken will of the nation’s people, ousted…
Juan Soto Retires From Professional Baseball To Play For The New York Mets
NEW YORK, NY — The sweepstakes to land free agent Juan Soto came to a surprising end, as the star…
Americans Glad ISIS Defeated Or Something
Read MoreThe OnionPHILADELPHIA—Weighing in on the chaotic events unfolding in one of those Middle Eastern–looking countries, Americans reported feeling glad…
Life Hack: You Can Avoid Wokeness In Video Games By Just Playing Ninja Golf On The Atari 7800
U.S. — Millions of gamers are discovering a new life hack where you can avoid wokeness in video games simply…
Biden Cancels Aid To Syria After Finding Out Some Needy Americans Live There
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden has reportedly canceled $1 billion of foreign aid for war-torn Syria after learning some of…
🎮 Metacritic’s WORST Games of 2024: Where’s Woke «Dragon Age: The Veilguard»? 🤔
Ah, the annual tradition of gaming schadenfreude — the Metacritic Top 10 Worst Games list is here, and boy, it’s…
Timeline Of Presidential Pardons
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Joe Biden issued a “full and unconditional” pardon to his son Hunter Biden last Sunday night. In…
Hilaria Baldwin Deported
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—In a stunning end to the 40-year-old media personality’s rise to fame, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement…