Nation’s Gays Say They’ll Pass On New Jaguar And Just Stick With Their Mustang Convertibles
U.S. — After the grotesque pink design of the new Jaguar was leaked to the public, the nation’s gays have…
Day: December 2, 2024
Hunter Asks If He Can Get His Baggie Of Cocaine Back From The White House Now
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After news broke that he had received a full presidential pardon from his father for any crimes…
Paul Leaves Elf On The Shelf To Monitor Corinthian Church
CORINTH — Paul, called by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus, reportedly left an Elf…
Aaron Rodgers Takes Blame For Parts Of Game Where Jets Were Winning
Read MoreThe OnionFLORHAM PARK, NJ—Apologizing to fans and pledging to do better in the future, New York Jets quarterback Aaron…
10 Drastic Changes Kash Patel Will Make To FBI
Kash Patel is now the presumptive head of the FBI and he’s planning on some big changes. Here are just…
Fursan al-Aqsa Shoots Its Last Shot 💥 in the UK – Steam Drama Unfolds! 🇬🇧
In what can only be described as the most thrilling Counter-Terrorism operation since James Bond fought a shark in a…
Girlfriend Keeps Dropping Hints About Wanting 17-Hectare Mausoleum Complex
Read MoreThe OnionSPARTA, OH—Noting that her desires were becoming increasingly less subtle, local man Tommy Hull confirmed Monday that his…
Trump Appoints Kash Patel To FBI Director After Being Unable To Get In Touch With His First Choice, Fox Mulder
U.S. — President-Elect Donald Trump announced his intent to appoint former federal prosecutor Kash Patel as head of the FBI…
Biden Forced To Issue Another Pardon After Hunter Commits 17 More Crimes
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following his controversial announcement last night absolving his son of all criminal convictions and prosecution, news broke…
American Express Launches Small Sweatshop Saturday
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—In an effort to support factories that exploit cheap labor but employ 50 or fewer people, American…