Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Rebuking President Trump’s decision to pardon Jan. 6 rioters, Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) staunchly vowed this week to…
Day: February 6, 2025
Man Working From Home Finally Ready To Start Day Now That Wife And Kids Are In Bed
ROCHESTER, MN — Business could finally get done after a local man who works from home was finally ready to…
NBC Producers Deny Using AI In New Series ‘Detective Fireman Lawyer Chicago Los Angeles Show’
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—Issuing a categorical denial of the accusations, NBC producers announced Thursday there was absolutely no usage of…
World Heath Organization Warns Trump Funding Cuts May Delay Release Of New Pandemic
GENEVA — World Health Organization (WHO) leaders are sounding the alarm Thursday, warning that President Trump’s temporary freeze on federal…
Archaeologists Discover Sodom And Gomorrah Was Funded By USAID
JORDAN — Newly translated clay tablets unearthed near the Dead Sea indicate that Sodom and Gomorrah was originally funded by…
Democrats Delay Kash Patel Vote As FBI Hasn’t Finished Shredding All Their Documents
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources in the nation’s capital, Senate Democrats have managed to delay their confirmation vote on…
Trump Announces U.S. Will Relocate Panama Canal To American Soil
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Claiming that the waterway will now be called the America Canal, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that the…