House On Jaden Smith’s Head Listed On Zillow For $1.6 Million
LOS ANGELES, CA — What had been an unpredictable Southern California housing market received an unexpected boost over the weekend,…
Month: February 2025
Elon Musk Offers Self $10 Billion Federal Buyout
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Saying he was just more deadweight hampering the executive branch’s ability to function efficiently, Elon Musk confirmed Monday…
Punxsutawney Phil Deported After Birth Certificate Reveals He’s From Canada
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA-Beloved groundhog Punxsatawny Phil has been deported back to Canada after the rodent failed to produce the needed paperwork…
Americans Start Stockpiling Moose Ahead Of Tariffs
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Rushing to purchase the hoofed mammals before the Trump administration’s tariffs on Canadian imports went into effect, Americans…
Zelenskyy Asks U.S. For $20 Billion To Find Out Where That Missing $100 Billion Went
KYIV — To date, the United States has allocated approximately $177 billion worth of aid to Ukraine, but the war-torn…
Trump Announces He Will Lift Tariffs On Canada Just As Soon As They Win A Stanley Cup
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid ongoing discussions with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, President Donald Trump announced he would lift Canadian…
🎮 Battlefield 2025? More Like Battlefield 3 Remastered… But at Full Price! 💰💀
Electronic Arts has once again proven that innovation is for losers, and money is for winners! In a shocking yet…
Illegal Immigrants Helpfully Wave Flags So ICE Knows Where To Send Them
U.S. — As deportation efforts continued to ramp up across the United States, several hundred illegal immigrants took to the…
Technically Woman Gentrifying Land Of Potawatomi People
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Vehemently refuting the suggestion she was contributing to the displacement of the neighborhood’s current residents, local woman Ellen…
To Announce They’ve Given Up Completely, DNC Selects David Hogg As Vice Chair
NATIONAL HARBOR, MD — Announcing that it has now given up entirely, the Democratic National Committee selected David Hogg as…