Men’s Group Text Enacts Formal Bylaws Banning Exclamation Points, Heart Emojis
WORCESTER, MA — A golden age has come to a local men’s group chat after bylaws were officially adopted which…
Month: February 2025
Cruel: Elon Musk Cuts Off Social Security Benefits For Thousands Of Revolutionary War Veterans
U.S. — The Department of Government Efficiency faced renewed calls for independent oversight after news broke that DOGE boss Elon…
Iceberger King
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Iceberger King appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of…
Delta Adds A Little Hanging Tennis Ball To End Of Runway For Female Pilots
U.S. — As an added safety measure to prevent further runway catastrophes, Delta Airlines has added a little hanging tennis…
Horrified Woman Swears Off Ambien After Seeing Number Of Library Books She Reserved Last Night
Read MoreThe OnionCOLUMBUS, OH—Reeling as she took stock of the damage done in her debilitated state, area woman Brittany Marino…
Spotify Hits Lady Gaga with a $1M Bill After «Abracadabra» Breaks Records: «Servers Are Melting!» 🔥💸
Lady Gaga just made history with her latest single “Abracadabra”, smashing records on Spotify with a mind-blowing 123,736,959 monthly listeners…
10 Suspicious Names Still On Social Security Rolls
Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency is still in the process of combing through the records of the Social Security…
Trump Cutbacks Force FAA To Unplug Giant Magnet That Keeps Planes In Air
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With thousands of aircraft suddenly falling out of the sky after the power was turned off, President Donald…
Healthy Vegan Food Carefully Constructed In Laboratory Using 957 Chemicals
CHICAGO, IL — Yet another batch of heathy vegan food was painstakingly synthesized using 957 chemicals earlier today at the…
Disney Is Abandoning DEI – Here Are 10 Based Changes They’re Making
Disney announced last week they would be discontinuing their Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion hiring practices, a giant move away from…