Awkward Start As Saint Peter Asks Francis If He Can Have His Pope Hat Back
GLORY — The afterlife of one of the world’s most prominent religious figures got off to an awkward start today,…
Month: April 2025
Did Dad Get A Glow Up? Yep, That’s A Sexy New Plaid Shirt From Walmart
SPRINGFIELD, IL — In a stunning transformation, local dad Greg Thompson debuted a head-turning glow-up this weekend with a brand-new…
TikTok Trend Urges Americans To Buy Directly From Chinese Manufacturers
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Trump’s trade war has inspired a new TikTok trend of Chinese manufacturers encouraging shoppers to buy direct…
People Who Bypassed Legal Process In Migrating To USA Demand Legal Process Before Being Kicked Out
U.S. — According to sources, several individuals who bypassed the legal process in migrating to the United States are demanding…
🚨 New Pornographers Drummer Arrested, Porno for Pyros Defend Themselves! 😂
In the wake of the explosive scandal involving the band New Pornographers, whose drummer Joe Seiders was arrested for possession…
‘Severance’ Creator Says Next Season Of Show Will Solely Be Released As TV Recaps On Vulture.com
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Saying the new format would help him present the series as he had always intended, Severance creator…
Did Amelia Dimoldenberg FINALLY Bag Spider-Man?! 🤫🕷️🕸️ (We’re Screaming!) 😂
Six long months. Six months the internet has collectively thirsted, shipped, and fantasized about the unholy matrimony of Andrew Garfield…
🎥 New ‘The Toxic Avenger’ Trailer – It’s Not Just a Movie, It’s Peter Dinklage’s Life! 🎬
The new trailer for the movie ‘The Toxic Avenger’ has been released, and it’s not just another Hollywood blockbuster; it’s…
Roman Authorities Investigating Jesus For Violating Stay-In-Tomb Order
JERUSALEM—Roman authorities are investigating controversial religious leader Jesus of Nazareth for violating the Empire’s clear “stay in tomb” order. After crucifying…
World Leaders Gather for Climate Summit, Achieve Absolutely Nothing (Shocker!) 🌎🔥🤡
World leaders, bless their tiny hearts, recently descended upon Dubai for the COP28 climate summit (November 30th – December 12th).…