Trump Reveals He Took ‘Which Harry Potter House Are You In?’ Quiz And He’s A Gryffindor
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A specialized test used to determine which Hogwarts House a person belongs to has proven once and…
Month: April 2025
You’re Not The Man I Married—You’re Significantly More Attractive And Loving
Read MoreThe OnionGerald, we need to talk. None of this is going to be easy for you to hear, but…
Man Sadly Informs Son After Watching ‘Return Of The Jedi’ That They Never Made Any More Star Wars Movies
BLOOMINGTON, IN — One local man had the unenviable task of ruining his child’s day, as he sadly informed his…
The Last of Us Season 2: 5.3 Million Viewers?! Are We Sure They Weren’t Just Lost? 🤣💀 Click to Find Out the SHOCKING Truth! 😱
The long-awaited, zombie-infested, emotionally-scarring second season of *The Last of Us* finally shambled onto HBO this Sunday, dragging a whopping…
Salvadoran President Claims He Lacks Humanity To Return Wrongly Deported Man
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—During a visit with President Donald Trump at the White House, El Salvador’s president Nayib Bukele claimed Monday…
Top 10 Hottest Hunks According To Taylor Lorenz
Former Washington Post journalist Taylor Lorenz cemented herself as the world’s leading style icon when she called Luigi Mangione, who…
Stephen A. Smith Hasn’t Ruled Out Living Cushy Life As Millionaire TV Personality With No Responsibilities
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—Insisting he was keeping all avenues open as he explored his future, ESPN commentator Stephen A. Smith…
🤖 Technical Glitch or Conspiracy? Why Katy Perry Didn’t Stay in Space! 🛸
Yesterday was a real shocker for space travel enthusiasts and, of course, for those who signed the petition to keep…
Terrified Luigi Mangione Files Restraining Order Against Taylor Lorenz
BROOKLYN, NY — After a recent interview aired on CNN in which Taylor Lorenz fawned over the accused murderer like…
Gretchen Whitmer Sneaks Into White House Again
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Days after she was unexpectedly caught meeting with President Trump in the Oval Office, Michigan Governor Gretchen…