Nation’s Men Honor Val Kilmer By Quoting ‘Tombstone’ All Day Like Usual
U.S. — A film legend was memorialized today as the nation’s men announced plans to honor Val Kilmer by quoting…
Month: April 2025
Dems Gather At George Soros’s House To Celebrate Defeating The Billionaires
MADISON, WI — After securing a consequential electoral victory in Wisconsin, Democrats celebrated the grassroots uprising of the common man…
🚨 Journalists Discover a Serious Bug in Doom: The Dark Ages — The Game Might Summon Satan! 🔥
Attention, gamers and adrenaline junkies! 🎮 A new sensation is on the horizon — “Doom: The Dark Ages,” promising not…
DEA Classifies Red Wine As Schedule I Drug To Spite Ex-Wife
Read MoreThe OnionSPRINGFIELD, VA—In a decision meant to crack down on the allegedly dangerous substance and the “total fucking bitch”…
Washington Monument Collapses After Someone Pulls Loose Block
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Washington Monument Collapses After Someone Pulls Loose Block appeared first on The Onion. Finn McFrameFinn McFrame,…
Trump ‘Not Joking’ About Seeking Third Term
Read MoreThe OnionDonald Trump claimed he is not joking about the possibility of seeking a third presidential term despite it…
Actual Nazi Struggling To Stand Out Now That Everyone Is A Nazi
HAYDEN, ID — With the Left accusing more people of being Nazis than ever before, local Nazi Chuck Pohlhaus is…
Cory Booker Hosts 24-Hour PSA On The Dangers Of Crystal Meth
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a brave move hailed by political analysts as an inspiring display of courage, New Jersey Senator…
Awkward: Pete Buttigieg Returns To White House From Maternity Leave
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Administration staffers were caught off guard by a painfully awkward situation today as former Transportation Secretary Pete…
Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers appeared first on The Onion. Finn McFrameFinn…