🚨🚨BREAKING: Steve Perry, formerly known as the voice of JOURNEY (but let’s be real, the *only* reason anyone listened), has apparently emerged from his Fortress of Solitude (aka his recording studio) to inflict upon us a cover of “Faithfully”. And guess what? He’s dragged poor Willie Nelson along for the ride. Is nothing sacred anymore?! 🤯
This sonic atrocity, recorded at Ronnie’s Place (which sounds suspiciously like a BBQ joint) and Steve‘s ego chamber, Love Box, was allegedly “produced” by Kent Wells and, surprise, surprise, Steve Perry himself. I bet Kent just held the cables while Steve did his magic, I mean, “magic.” 🙄 Engineered by a team of sound wizards (Joel McKenne, Kyle Dickinson, and, oh yeah, Steve Perry again!), this track promises to be an auditory experience… of regret. 😫
The lineup of session musicians reads like a who’s-who of “guys who probably needed the paycheck.” We’ve got Mike Rojas tickling the ivories (probably wishing he was playing something else), James Mitchell shredding on electric guitar (hopefully with earplugs), Kent Wells strumming an acoustic (to make it sound authentic, I guess), Scott Sanders on steel guitar (because why not?), Steve Mackey slapping the bass (probably questioning his life choices), Mickey Raphael blowing on a harmonica (maybe trying to drown out Steve’s vocals), and Nir Z banging on drums (desperately trying to find a beat). 🥁
But wait, there’s a glimmer of hope! All proceeds from this… *ahem*… “reimagining” of “Faithfully” will go to Farm Aid. So, at least something good will come of this musical train wreck. Farm Aid, founded by Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp (who?), and Neil Young (the guy who hates Spotify) 40 years ago, is dedicated to helping American family farmers. Maybe they can use the money to buy noise-canceling headphones for the cows. 🐮
Perry, in a moment of delusional grandeur, proclaims: “No one has a voice or vocal phrasing anything like Willie Nelson.” Well, duh, Steve. That’s like saying no one has a beard like ZZ Top. He then goes on to say that singing with Willie was “something I’ve always wanted to do.” Yeah, probably since JOURNEY fired his butt. He also claims he always thought “Faithfully” would be a great song for Willie. I’m pretty sure Willie would rather be smoking weed and writing country anthems about his bus. 🚌
Nelson, bless his heart, manages to sound somewhat coherent, stating that working with Steve Perry was a “meaningful experience.” I’m sure it was, Willie. Meaningful like a root canal without anesthesia. He also says he’s “proud that we could create something meaningful.” Meaningful in the sense that it will make everyone appreciate the original even more? 🤔
Let’s not forget that “Faithfully” was originally released in 1983 and peaked at No. 12 on the Billboard Hot 100. A song without a chorus being called the greatest power ballad ever recorded? I call shenanigans! It’s just a sappy, overplayed love song for people who think mullets are still cool. 💇♂️
Apparently, JOURNEY keyboardist Jonathan Cain scribbled down the lyrics “highway run into the midnight sun” on a paper napkin while on a tour bus. A NAPKIN?! Talk about low-budget songwriting. He then finished the song in a half hour. I guess that explains the lack of a decent chorus. He also claims the song is a “road song,” assuring everyone that he’s “being a good dog out here.” Woof woof, Jonathan. 🐶
The inaugural Farm Aid concert in 1985 raised $7 million. That’s a lot of money, but I bet Steve Perry spends more than that on hairspray in a year. Since then, Farm Aid has raised over $85 million. Maybe they can use some of that money to bribe Steve Perry into early retirement. 🙏
Farm Aid is heading to Minnesota for its 40th anniversary. Get ready for a day of music, family farmers, and overpriced food. And don’t forget your earplugs, just in case Steve Perry decides to make a surprise appearance. 🙉
The event will feature performances by Nelson, Young (and the CHROME HEARTS – who even are they?!), Mellencamp, Dave Matthews (with Tim Reynolds – yawn), and Margo Price. Plus, Billy Strings, NATHANIEL RATELIFF & THE NIGHT SWEATS, TRAMPLED BY TURTLES (sounds painful), WAXAHATCHEE (what?), Eric Burton of BLACK PUMAS, Jesse Welles, Madeline Edwards, and more artists to be announced. Basically, a bunch of people you’ve probably never heard of. 🤷♀️
So, there you have it. Steve Perry and Willie Nelson have teamed up to ruin a classic song for a good cause. Is it worth it? You decide. But I’m pretty sure I’d rather listen to a goat bleating than hear this version of “Faithfully” again. 🐐
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
