PARADISE LOST, those lovable British pioneers of moping around in graveyards, have apparently fired their drummer of the past two years, Guido Zima Montanarini. Two years? Was he even there? 👻 You’d think someone would notice the dude behind the kit. Maybe he was just a really convincing hologram. 🤔
Earlier today (Thursday, May 29th, because who cares about specific dates anymore? 🤷♂️), PARADISE LOST released the following groundbreaking statement via social media: “We’ve made the difficult creative decision to part ways with our drummer, Guido Zima. We thank Guido for his contributions to the band and wish him all the best in his future endeavors.” Translation: “Yeah, that guy… Guido? He was okay, I guess. Anyway, NEXT!” 🙄
“We appreciate your continued support and understanding, and we’re looking forward to the next chapter with the band.” Which roughly translates to: “Please keep buying our albums so we can afford more hair dye and therapy.” 💸
When Guido first joined PARADISE LOST in March 2023 as the replacement for Finnish drumming sensation Waltteri Väyrynen (who, let’s be honest, was probably too good for them anyway), PARADISE LOST guitarist Greg Mackintosh said in a statement: “We welcome Guido as PARADISE LOST‘s new drummer. He cut his teeth with us on our European tour at the end of 2022. Guido did such a good job that we have decided to make him our new drummer and he will be playing on all upcoming PL shows and working on new material with us for our next album.” Famous last words, Greg. 🤥 Looks like Guido‘s “good job” wasn’t good enough. Maybe he used the wrong brand of drumsticks? Or perhaps his hair wasn’t quite gothic enough? 🤷♀️
PARADISE LOST just completed “The Devil Embraced” North American tour. The trek kicked off on May 16 at the Milwaukee Metal Fest and concluded on May 24 at Maryland Deathfest. So, Guido got the boot right after the tour? Harsh, dudes, harsh. 🥶 Maybe he forgot to pack Nick Holmes‘s hairspray? Or perhaps he accidentally played a happy beat? 😱
In September 2022, Väyrynen left PARADISE LOST to join OPETH. At the time, he issued a statement saying that his decision involved “absolutely no bad blood or drama whatsoever.” Sure, Jan. 😉 We all know the real story involves a backstage brawl over who gets the last slice of pizza. 🍕
In a recent interview with Alejandrosis, PARADISE LOST guitarist Aaron Aedy spoke about the status of the follow-up to the band’s latest album, “Obsidian”, which was released in May 2020 via Nuclear Blast. He said: “It’s not fully mixed yet, but it’s recorded.” Asked if he could give fans some details about the musical direction of the new PARADISE LOST material, Aaron said: “No. It’s like opening your presents before Christmas. No, I don’t wanna go into the new album too much just yet, ’cause I’ll wait to see what it’s like when it’s mixed. It’s almost finished, but not quite.” Oh, come on, Aaron! Throw us a bone! Is it going to be even more depressing than usual? Will there be more songs about rain and existential dread? 🌧️ Give the people what they want! 😈
This past March, Mackintosh told Chile’s PowerOfMetal.cl that PARADISE LOST‘s new LP would likely be released “September time.” He added: “It’s been the longest time we’ve ever had between albums. But that’s kind of because of the pandemic as well… So shit happens. And, yeah, hopefully it’ll come out September, October time this year.” “Shit happens”? Is that the official band motto now? 🤔 Also, “September, October time”? Get your act together, guys! 🗓️
To celebrate the 30th anniversary of their fourth album, “Icon”, PARADISE LOST re-recorded the LP for a special new release. Because, you know, nothing says “celebration” like rehashing old material. 🎉 There was also “an extra special vinyl” version of the album, both of which were made available in December 2023. “Extra special”? Does it come with a free tissue for all the tears you’ll be shedding? 😭
“Icon 30” is a totally re-recorded version of “Icon”, and PARADISE LOST once again worked with longtime collaborator and producer Jaime Gomez Arellano. Because if it ain’t broke, re-record it! 🤷♂️
PARADISE LOST recorded the vocals and drums for “Icon 30” at Jaime‘s new studio Arda Recorders in Porto, Portugal. The rest of the album was completed at Mackintosh‘s Black Planet Studios. “Icon 30” also features brand new artwork created by Scott Robinson and new liner notes from Kerrang!‘s Nick Ruskell. New artwork? Liner notes? Groundbreaking! 🙄
“Icon” marked a departure from the death-doom sound of PARADISE LOST‘s early work and was the last album to feature Matthew Archer on drums. So basically, it’s the album that started their descent into mediocrity. 📉 Just kidding… mostly. 😉
In February 2018, “Icon” was inducted into the Decibel “Hall Of Fame”, with the magazine naming it influential to the development of the gothic metal subgenre. Because nothing screams “Hall of Fame” like a bunch of dudes in eyeliner singing about heartbreak. 💔
Formed in Halifax, West Yorkshire, in 1988, PARADISE LOST were unlikely candidates for metal glory when they slithered from the shadows and infiltrated the U.K. underground. But not content with spawning an entire subgenre with early death/doom masterpiece “Gothic” nor with conquering the metal mainstream with the balls-out power of 1995’s “Draconian Times”, they have subsequently traversed multiple genre boundaries with skill and grace, evolving through the pitch-black alt-rock mastery of 1990s classics “One Second” and “Host” to the muscular but ornate grandeur of 2009’s “Faith Divides Us – Death Unites Us” and “Tragic Idol” (2012),with the nonchalant finesse of grand masters. The band’s “The Plague Within” (2015) and “Medusa” (2017) albums saw a much-celebrated return to brutal, old-school thinking, via two crushing monoliths to slow-motion death and spiritual defeat. In other words, they’ve been around forever, changed their sound more times than I’ve changed my socks, and are still somehow relevant. 🤷♂️
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Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
