Ahoy, Prog-Rock Losers! 🛳️ Get ready to drain your trust funds and max out your credit cards because Cruise To The Edge 2026 is back! 🎉 This time, it’s the 10th anniversary, so you know they’re pulling out all the stops to separate you from your money. Prepare for five days of pretentious music, awkward fan interactions, and seasickness – all while pretending you actually understand what a “time signature” is. 🤣 Sailing from the cesspool of Miami, Florida (because where else would prog-rockers congregate?) to the equally glamorous Key West and Nassau, Bahamas. Get ready to experience the ultimate mid-life crisis at sea! 🌊
The lineup? Oh, it’s a real who’s-who of bands your dad listens to while tinkering with his model trains. 🚂 Headlining this floating festival of wankery are MARILLION (still alive?), Steve Hackett (probably playing “that one Genesis song” again), BIG BIG TRAIN (choo-choo, here comes the boredom!), and Eddie Jobson (who?). It’s a “brilliant mix” of classic and modern prog, which is code for “we couldn’t afford anyone better.” 🤷♂️
Returning to this nautical nightmare are cruise “favorites” like SYMPHONY X (because one power ballad is never enough), Adrian Belew (still weird), HAKEN (math rock for people who failed algebra), LIFESIGNS (who?), THE FLOWER KINGS (more like the power naps😴), PROTOCOL (following the same boring formula since the 80s), WISHBONE ASH (more like Wishbone GONE 💀), AIRBAG (inflated egos only), QUEENSRŸCHE (minus the good singer), STICK MEN (because bass solos are cool, right?), DISTRICT 97 (because odd time signatures make you smart 🤓), GOBLIN (spooky!), KLONE (a cheap copy), BARAKA (sounds exotic, probably isn’t) and MARBIN (jazz fusion for people who hate jazz). And joining this floating circus of proggy pretension for the first time are PETE ROTH TRIO feat. Bill Bruford (old dudes unite!), CRACK THE SKY (never heard of ’em), Randy McStine (who?), CROWN LANDS (trying too hard), EARTHSIDE (eco-friendly prog?), RENDEZVOUS POINT (meet you at the buffet!), Alex Henry Foster (emo prog, anyone? 😭) and Lari Basilo (shredding for attention!). Hosted by the dynamic trio of Jon Kirkman, Roie Avin, and Mike Dawson, who will undoubtedly tell the same tired jokes every night. 🎤
But wait, there’s more! 🎉 Beyond the mediocre music and questionable fashion choices, you can look forward to artist/cruiser photo experiences (awkward!), Q&A sessions (prepare for inane questions!), theme nights (dress up like a wizard!), Dueling Pianos (because prog isn’t cheesy enough), Late Night Karaoke (guaranteed to be tone-deaf), Wheel of Prog – Live (spin the wheel of boredom!), and much more – all meticulously designed to drain your bank account and make you question your life choices. 🤡
And don’t forget the incomparable CTTE Late Night Live, hosted by Rob Rutz, where you, yes YOU, can embarrass yourself on stage! 🎤 Sign up to showcase your “musical talents” (air quotes intentional) and subject your fellow passengers to your awful covers of Yes songs. 🤮
Cruise To The Edge is truly the greatest prog-rock show on earth (if you ignore all the other music) and is a can’t-miss event for prog enthusiasts throughout the world (who have too much money and time on their hands). 💰
CTTE LLC ─ promoter for Cruise To The Edge ─ is a leader in cruise charter innovation (aka finding new ways to exploit your love of obscure music), having sailed thousands of passengers in the last 20 years in associated companies (mostly to the buffet). Cruise To The Edge 2026 represents the tenth progressive rock cruise charter for the company, which has showcased classic prog and prog metal artists spanning five decades (of musical mediocrity). The principals of Cruise To The Edge have deep roots in the music industry, having provided world-class cruise ship production management for celebrities and musical artists for over two decades (aka they know how to plug in a microphone). Past charters have included an array of Fortune 500 companies, plus theme cruises, featuring major entertainers in multiple music genres (because everyone loves a cash grab). 🤑
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
