Okay, so apparently, Bikini Bottom is now Hollywood’s hottest casting couch. Paramount Animation and Nickelodeon Animation are throwing more celebs into The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants like it’s a desperate attempt to stay relevant. Regina Hall? Sherry Cola? Arturo Castro? George Lopez? And, wait for it… Ice Spice? 🧊
Seriously, who greenlit this fever dream? Is this a movie or a desperate cry for help? The four-time Grammy-nominated, multi-platinum-selling rapper will also contribute an original song to the film. Oh, joy. More autotune under the sea. 🎶
They’re dragging back the usual suspects: Tom Kenny (aka SpongeBob, because who else would voice a sponge?), Clancy Brown (Mr. Krabs, still counting pennies), Rodger Bumpass (Squidward, eternally grumpy), Bill Fagerbakke (Patrick, still drooling), Carolyn Lawrence (Sandy, the token Texan), Mr. Lawrence (Plankton, still plotting world domination), and Mark Hamill (Flying Dutchman, because why not?). Directed by Derek Drymon, written by Pam Brady and Matt Lieberman. Sounds like a committee project gone horribly, horribly right… or wrong. 🤷♀️
The “log line” (as if anyone cares) involves SpongeBob and his pals venturing into the ocean depths to confront the Flying Dutchman. Groundbreaking. 🙄 It’s slated for a December release, just in time to ruin your holiday cheer. 🎄
Ramsey Naito, the overlord of Paramount Animation and Nickelodeon Animation, dropped this bombshell at the Annecy international animation festival in France. Because what better place to announce the further desecration of a beloved cartoon than at a fancy-pants festival? They also flaunted sneak peeks at other cinematic atrocities, including Chris Miller’s Smurfs movie (oh god, not the Smurfs!), PAW Patrol: The Dino Movie (because dinosaurs and puppies go hand in hand, right?), The Legend of Aang: The Last Airbender (another live-action adaptation? Kill me now.), and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem 2. Cowabunga, dude… to the depths of despair! 🐢
Drymon subjected the audience to the complete first act of The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants. Lucky them! Miller, not to be outdone, inflicted the opening 20 minutes of Smurfs upon the unsuspecting masses, which will hit theaters on July 18. Smurfs stars Rihanna as Smurfette. Miller claimed she possessed “a deep knowledge of Smurf lore.” Sure, Jan. The film’s voice cast includes John Goodman, James Corden, Nick Offerman, Sandra Oh, Natasha Lyonne, Amy Sedaris, Daniel Levy, Octavia Spencer, Nick Kroll, Hannah Waddingham, Alex Winter, Maya Erskine, Billie Lourd, Xolo Maridueña, Marshmello, Jimmy Kimmel and Kurt Russell. Is there anyone NOT in this movie? 🎤
The torture concluded with the premiere of two animated shorts. SpongeBob: Order Up, directed by Sean Charmatz, will precede Smurfs in theaters this July. Chrome Alone 2: Lost in New Jersey, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles short directed by Kent Seki, will accompany The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants in December. Because what better way to pad out a movie than with more content no one asked for? 🗑️
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
