Oh, look, another soulless live-action remake nobody asked for! 🙄 Yes, friends, ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ is back, and this time it’s… live-action! Because apparently, cartoons are just too darn good for us these days. Dean DeBlois, bless his heart (or should we say, curse his soul?), decided to remake his own movie. Genius move or the ultimate act of creative bankruptcy? You decide! 😉 Apparently, it made a lot of money. 🤑🤑🤑
Looks like audiences were so desperate for something, anything, that they flocked to the island of Berk like moths to a dumpster fire. 🔥 Or maybe they just wanted to see if they could ruin their childhoods even more. 🤷♀️
Still, audiences embraced it to the tune of $83 million at the domestic box office. That’s enough to buy, like, three islands! 🏝️🏝️🏝️
The new movie, written and directed by Dean DeBlois (the guy who apparently can’t come up with new ideas), has been a big success for DreamWorks and Universal. They saw Disney making bank with these live-action cash grabs and thought, “Hey, we can do that too! Let’s suck the joy out of beloved animated classics!” 💰💰💰
How did the ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ live-action movie do elsewhere at the box office?
‘How to Train Your Dragon’ wasn’t just successful here. It spread its mediocrity worldwide! 🌍
It collected $114 million while landing in 81 overseas markets, ranking as the No. 1 movie at the international box office, and $197.8 million globally. Top territories include Mexico with $14 million, the UK and Ireland with $11.2 million and China with $11.2 million. Because apparently, everyone loves a watered-down version of something they already loved! 🥰
Here’s Universal’s domestic distribution chief Jim Orr on the success of the movie:
>“Our filmmaker Dean DeBlois created an incredible tale with heart, action and emotion. Multiple generations are in love with it. With our audience scores, I can only believe we are going to have a long run throughout the summer.”
Oh, Jim, you sweet summer child. “Incredible tale”? More like an incredibly predictable rehash! And “multiple generations are in love with it”? More like multiple generations are wondering why they wasted their money! 💸
And this was ComScore analyst Paul Dergarabedian on one reason for it:
>“PG has become the goldilocks of ratings, one that indicates a film is appropriate for kids but still has enough edge to appeal to young adults, teens and more mature moviegoers. This is certainly a trend that should carry over to ‘Elio,’‘Smurfs’ and ‘The Bad Guys 2,’ which are yet to come on the summer movie slate.”
Ah yes, the PG rating. The sweet spot for milking every last dollar out of families who just want to shut their kids up for two hours. 🤫
It’s a success story, since the movie cost $150 million to make and an additional $100 million to market, but assuming it has legs at the box office, it’ll easily make some profit. Because nothing says “artistic integrity” like a blatant money grab! 🤑
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
