Oh honey, HOLD👏UP👏. You think this article is about *preferences*? Please. It’s about demanding Hollywood FINALLY gets something right. I mean, seriously, another sparkly musical ending? Groundbreaking. 🙄 Let’s dive into why ‘Wicked: For Good’ NEEDS that book ending, or else we riot. (Okay, maybe just write strongly worded tweets).
So, ‘Wicked’ is based on some book nobody actually read (jk, bookworms, I see you 👀) and a musical that’s basically the sparkly, watered-down version for people who can’t handle *real* drama. The book fans? They’re the sophisticated ones, sipping their tea and judging the musical. The musical fans? Well, they like catchy tunes and happy endings. Bless their hearts.
Now, the book? That’s where the *real* tea is spilled. It’s dark, it’s twisted, it’s not afraid to go there. ‘Wicked: For Good’, starring Ariana Grande (who, let’s be honest, is probably too busy with her makeup line 💄) and Cynthia Erivo (who is hopefully ready to commit to some serious acting), will probably give us the same old happy-go-lucky ending. But NO. Director Jon M. Chu needs to grow a pair and give us the book ending.
Even if you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t experienced either version, here’s the DL: Elphaba and Fiyero (played by Jonathan Bailey, who I’m sure is THRILLED to be involved in this mess 🙄) are totally in love, but oh no! He’s married! Scandalous! 🙊 They have an affair, because why not?
Then, Fiyero gets MURDERED by the Wizard’s goons. Elphaba, being the totally stable and reasonable witch she is, tries to save him with a spell and *thinks* she turns him into the Scarecrow. But after a coma and popping out a kid, she becomes a stage-five clinger and sends her flying monkeys to check on the Scarecrow. They tear him apart (lol) and she realizes she messed up. THIS is when she becomes the Wicked Witch, people! Not because she’s just misunderstood.
She’s basically evil because the Wizard (Jeff Goldblum, who is too cool for this movie 😎) ruined her life. Dorothy shows up, throws water on her, and she melts. The end. Tragic, but REAL. Oh, and water burns her. Important detail.
The musical? Oh, they just HAD to change everything. Fiyero becomes the Scarecrow, because happy endings! The Cowardly Lion is some lion cub they saved, and the Tin Man is Boq, who got a bad love potion. So original. 🙄
Elphaba decides she’s over it and plans an escape with Fiyero. She fakes her death, and they live happily ever after. She misses Glinda (who probably throws a pity party every night), but whatever, she’s got a man! So progressive.
Now, WHY the book ending is the only acceptable option:
1. Franchise Potential, people! If they chicken out and give us the happy ending, we can’t get the other books made into movies. ‘Son of a Witch’? Gone. ‘Out of Oz’? Forget about it. We need more content, people! MORE!
2. Life Isn’t A Disney Movie: Elphaba’s story is tragic. She loses everything, the government sucks, and she snaps. It’s not a happy story, so why pretend it is? Stop trying to sugarcoat everything, Hollywood!
3. The Book Is Always Better (duh). It’s darker, it’s more complex, and it’s the story that Gregory Maguire wanted to tell. Give the man some respect! 🙏
So, ‘Wicked: For Good’ needs to let Elphaba die. It’ll be dark, it’ll be tragic, but it’ll be REAL. And maybe, just maybe, it’ll open the door for more delightfully depressing Oz content.
Now, go buy the books on Amazon. I don’t care. 🙄
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
