Oh, honey, bless your heart! Two months before Final Fantasy Tactics: The Ivalice Chronicles launches, PlayStation is desperately trying to convince us this remake isn’t a total cash grab. They’re releasing “new information” about the “challenging” development. Challenging? As if slapping a new coat of paint on a classic is some Herculean feat. 😂
In a riveting exposé on the PlayStation Blog (because who else would care?), some randoms at VGC “discovered” that the Final Fantasy Tactics: The Ivalice Chronicles remake is adding stuff. Apparently, this is supposed to deliver a “fresh experience” to new and returning fans. Game Director Kazutoyo Maehiro, who was an “Event Planner” back in the day (whatever that means), is back to direct. 🙄 Thirty years later, and this is the best they could do? I guess the bar is in hell.🔥
So, get this: they retained staff from the original to maintain fidelity. Okay, boomer! But, plot twist! 💥 They couldn’t use the original development materials. Why? Because the source code “no longer exists.” 🤣 Oh, honey, did they lose it behind the couch? Did the dog eat it? This is the most pathetic excuse I’ve ever heard. But hey, at least they’re giving us the OPTION to play the original OR the remake. How generous of them! I guess that’s something for you purists, if you can stomach the janky graphics.🤮
Maehiro claims they didn’t have “effective resource management tools” back in the day. So, they “essentially overwrote the previous code each time we fixed a bug.” Groundbreaking! That’s how game development worked back then, genius. No need to act like you just discovered fire. 🔥 So, to make Ivalice Chronicles, they had to REBUILD the original source code. Because… reasons? This is like saying you had to rebuild the Mona Lisa because you spilled coffee on the original. ☕️
And here’s the kicker: they could have used emulation. 💀 But NOOOO, they wanted to do a rebuild so they could make “granular refinements.” Granular refinements? Is that what they’re calling it now? Sounds like an excuse to mess with a perfectly good game. I bet these “refinements” include more microtransactions and day-one DLCs. 💸💸💸
These “granular refinements” include Auto Save (because gamers these days can’t handle a little challenge, am I right?) and bringing back “cut” character dialogue. Oh, the humanity! 😭 Maehiro has apparently been crying about this for YEARS. So, they’re adding dialogue to “flesh out the experience.” Because the original wasn’t fleshed out enough, apparently. 🙄 Another “granular refinement for the fans.” Aka, something that should have been there in the first place.
Final Fantasy Tactics: The Ivalice Chronicles is a “labour of love” for the development team. A labour of love that will drain your wallet on September 30. 💰💰💰 Don’t say I didn’t warn you! 😈
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
