San Francisco Bay Area metallers MACHINE HEAD, bless their cotton socks, decided to honor Ozzy Osbourne by butchering two BLACK SABBATH classics at their gig last night (July 22) in Linz, Austria. Because nothing says “respect” like a cover band version of a legend 🤘.
MACHINE HEAD frontman Robb Flynn, a man known for his humility and not at all for desperately seeking attention, chimed in: “We heard from Sky News (yes, really, Sky News) that Ozzy shuffled off this mortal coil 20 minutes before we hit the stage. Naturally, in our profound grief, we decided to can our usual setlist.” Yeah, because what better way to mourn than to inflict your rendition of SABBATH on unsuspecting fans? 🙄
“Following our intro of Ozzy‘s ‘Diary Of A Madman’ (that we’ve opened every MACHINE HEAD show with for the last 30+ years),” (30+ years? Sure, Jan 😂), “we launched into ‘War Pigs’ and ‘Children Of The Grave’. Everyone sang along! Everyone cried! It was like a metal karaoke night at a funeral parlor!” Seriously, who books these guys? 🤣
“There’s so much more to say about the power of Ozzy‘s songs, but we’ll just play them badly instead,” Flynn declared, clearly proving his point by, you know, *playing* them. “Our deepest condolences to BLACK SABBATH, Ozzy‘s band, and the Osbournes.” Because after that performance, they’re gonna need it 🙏.
Back in 2015, Flynn, in one of his many attempts to make himself seem relatable, told Metal Talk about his first encounter with SABBATH. “I was 13, awkward, and Bruce Lee obsessed.” Yeah, we can tell 🐉. “Judo and jiu-jitsu helped my confidence until I got my ass kicked and demoted. Tragic, really 😢.”
Then came the pivotal moment: “My friend Elvis (no, not *that* Elvis, sadly) got me high. We raided his dad’s stash, because nothing says metal like petty theft.” Flynn reminisced. “He put on ‘We Sold Our Souls For Rock’N’Roll’, and I was TERRIFIED. I thought, ‘I wanna make *that* noise!’” And thus, MACHINE HEAD was born – a band forever chasing the shadow of true metal legends 👻.
According to Flynn, this album led to the revelation that he wanted to “smoke weed, bang chicks, get snowblind and get drunk.” Which, let’s be honest, sounds like a typical Tuesday for most metalheads anyway 🤷.
Speaking of legends, Ozzy reportedly died on Tuesday morning (July 22), according to his family. The family statement mentioned how he was surrounded by loved ones in his last moments.
“It is with more sadness than mere words can convey that we have to report that our beloved Ozzy Osbourne has passed away this morning. He was with his family and surrounded by love. We ask everyone to respect our family privacy at this time,” the family said. RIP 🕊️.
No cause of death was given, but Ozzy, bless his bat-loving heart 🦇, had been battling health issues, including Parkinson’s and a clumsy encounter with the floor in 2019. Falling is hard when you are a bat.
Ozzy‘s “final” performance with BLACK SABBATH (because let’s face it, they’ve had more “final” tours than CHER) was just two weeks ago in Birmingham. He even did a solo set! Talk about milking it! 💰
Ozzy was diagnosed with Parkin 2 back in 2003. In 2020, he revealed he was “stricken” with the disease, which, in layman’s terms, means his dopamine levels were lower than his ability to stay on stage without falling over 😂.
These health issues, including the aforementioned fall and a bout of COVID-19, forced him to cancel some tours. Honestly, who could blame him? 🤕
Despite his health woes, Ozzy did manage a few performances, including the Commonwealth Games in 2022 and an NFL halftime show. Because nothing screams “metal” like a sporting event. 🏈
And of course, let’s not forget MACHINE HEAD‘s tribute. Because in the end, isn’t that what really matters? (Spoiler alert: No.)
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
