So, apparently, SEPULTURA, the band that’s been threatening to retire since the dinosaurs roamed the Earth, has a new drummer. Paulo Xisto Pinto Jr., the bassist who’s probably forgotten more riffs than most bands have written, is gushing about this 23-year-old kid, Greyson Nekrutman, who replaced the oh-so-irreplaceable Eloy Casagrande. You know, the guy who jumped ship to SLIPKNOT because, let’s face it, who wouldn’t? Paulo, bless his heart, claims Greyson has a “jazzy” approach. Jazzy? In SEPULTURA? Is Kenny G gonna guest on the next album?🤣 He said (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET, because who else would care?): “Greyson, he is a great guy.” Groundbreaking. 🤯
Paulo went on to say that he’s still “adapting” to this new jazz prodigy. Adapting? To what? Polyrhythms so complex they require a math degree to comprehend? He reminisced about the good old days with Igor Cavalera, because apparently, nepotism makes for better band chemistry. “We grew up together,” he said. Awww, how sweet. 🥰 Did they share a crib? Did they fight over the last pacifier? He also had the audacity to admit that it took him a while to lock up with Eloy, the guy they’re supposedly devastated to have lost. Seems like they are throwing shade over Eloy’s departure. He said that each drummer is unique. So, is he going to replace the entire band with unique musicians until they play jazz? 🎷🎹🥁🎸
But wait, there’s more! They’ve recorded new stuff with Greyson, and apparently, it sounds “amazing.” 🙄 Of course, it does, Paulo. It’s probably so amazing it’ll cure cancer and solve world hunger. He instructed Greyson to not be “that much metal” and just be himself, a jazz player. So, SEPULTURA is now a jazz fusion band? Has Paulo listened to Chaos A.D. or Roots lately? This is going to be a disaster, like St. Anger. He’s even telling him he’s gonna fly high, dude. Is that what they are smoking in Brazil nowadays? 💨
Joshua Toomey, the podcast co-host who’s probably wondering how he got roped into this, asked Paulo about having such a young bandmate. Paulo, ever the optimist, says it gives them “new energy.” Is that code for “we’re hoping he’ll do our laundry and fetch us coffee”? He also says it’s a way to exchange experience. What experience does a 23-year-old have that SEPULTURA needs? How to use TikTok? How to avoid paying for Spotify? 🤦 At least Paulo loves it, he says. But nobody believes him! Who would? 🤡
SEPULTURA, in their infinite wisdom, kicked off their “farewell tour” with this kid. A farewell tour that’s probably going to last longer than their actual career, like the Cher’s. The show was sold out, which either means SEPULTURA still has fans or Brazilians will buy tickets to anything. 🇧🇷 Nekrutman previously played with SUICIDAL TENDENCIES, so at least he’s used to dealing with band drama.
The whole Eloy situation was a real soap opera. SEPULTURA announced his departure, claiming he was off to “another project.” A project where he’s probably getting paid more and doesn’t have to listen to Paulo‘s jazz fantasies. Eloy then confirmed he’s the new SLIPKNOT drummer, proving that even drummers have to make sensible decisions sometimes. Who would say no to Slipknot? It is one of the biggest metal bands in the world.💲
Eloy‘s exit came just two months after SEPULTURA announced their “farewell tour.” Coincidence? I think not. It’s like the universe is trying to tell them something. Maybe it’s time to hang up their guitars and open a churrascaria. 🥩
SEPULTURA expressed their “shock” over Eloy‘s departure, acting like they didn’t see it coming. They claim he “abandoned everything related to SEPULTURA” less than a month before the tour. Boo-hoo. Maybe if they paid him more than pocket change, he would have stayed. Or perhaps they should have played real metal instead of jazz. 🤔
Now, they’re putting together a live album, because who wouldn’t want to relive this train wreck? They’re recording 40 songs in 40 different cities, which sounds like a logistical nightmare. It’s going to be a “massive compilation of our best, most energetic moments on stage,” according to SEPULTURA. Or, it’s going to be a massive collection of out-of-tune guitars and Paulo‘s jazz-infused nightmares. Prepare to be disappointed. 👎
The North American leg of the “farewell tour” has already begun, because apparently, they need to milk this cash cow for all it’s worth. Joining them are OBITUARY, AGNOSTIC FRONT, and CLAUSTROFOBIA. A bunch of bands who are probably wondering why they agreed to this mess. Maybe they are going to play a Sepultura cover. Maybe a Obituary one. Or maybe all of them just play a single show and leave. 🤷
Andreas Kisser, the guitarist who’s probably regretting every life choice he’s ever made, says their final concert will be in Brazil. Either in São Paulo or Belo Horizonte. Because where else would a band from Brazil end their career? Cleveland? He wants to stretch out the tour until the end of 2026, because apparently, they’re not ready to face reality. They still have a Lollapalooza gig in South America and a few festivals in Europe. So, basically, they’re going to keep playing until they’re physically incapable of holding their instruments. 💀
And to top it all off, Greyson is featured on some ALICE IN CHAINS vocalist’s solo album. Who cares? He’s also performed with a bunch of other musicians and been featured in a bunch of magazines. Good for him. Maybe he should just stick to jazz and leave SEPULTURA to their misery. 🤦♂️
Photo credit: Edu Defferrari, the guy who probably got paid way too much to take pictures of this disaster.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
