OMG!😱 Wizards of the Coast, desperate for relevance, teamed up with…SPIDER-MAN?🕸️🤮 Yeah, you heard right! At PAX West 2025, they unveiled the Magic: The Gathering Spider-Man Universes Beyond set. Because apparently, Middle-earth wasn’t embarrassing enough.🤡
So, at PAX West 2025, Wizards of the Coast, clinging to the last threads of their dignity, decided to bless us with a panel about the upcoming Spider-Man Universes Beyond set. Because who wouldn’t want to see their favorite childhood hero get butchered and turned into cardboard? 🤡 Previously, at San Diego Comic-Con 2025 (yes, they’ve been milking this for months 🐄), they showed off some artwork by comic book legends like John Romita Sr. (may he rest in peace knowing what his art has become 💀), Steve Ditko (probably spinning in his grave 🪦), and Todd McFarlane (still cashing those checks, I see 💰).
The big reveal? The Sinister Six! 🦹♂️ A group of villains so original, they were introduced in 1964. Groundbreaking stuff, really. 🙄 Dr. Octopus, the only one they bothered to unveil at Comic-Con because apparently, no one cares about the rest, leads the charge. But don’t worry, PAX West “unmasked” the rest of these nobodies. I’m sure their mothers are proud. 🥲
Before we dive into the mechanics (as if anyone cares at this point 😴), let’s meet the “dream team” behind this monstrosity. We have Corey Bowen, Jadine Klomparens, and Sarah Wassell. And leading them? None other than Mark Rosewater, the guy who’s been “designing” MTG for 30 years. 👴 I bet he thinks adding Spider-Man is peak creativity. 🤣 Together, they’ve crafted a set that “honors” Spider-Man. By turning him into a trading card. 💯
Let’s talk mechanics, shall we? New and returning, because Wizards can’t decide if they are creative or not. Behold:
Mayhem – Discarding cards, now with extra steps! 🎉 Because apparently, discarding cards wasn’t already annoying enough. Now you can cast them from your graveyard at a slightly lower cost! 🤑
Web-slinging – Ninjutsu, but worse. Because why be original when you can just copy and paste with a slight tweak? ✂️
Villain archetype – Oh, they are printing a Sonic crossover card. They are really scraping the bottom of the barrel now, aren’t they? I bet the next one will be a Teletubbies collab. 👶
Enchantment Saga – Comic panels! 🥳 Because who needs actual comics when you can have them on your MTG cards? As lore counters stack up, the comic continues. Just like my disappointment. 📉
But wait, there’s more! 🥳 Wizards of the Coast, not content with just ruining Spider-Man, decided to introduce a new way to play MTG: the Pick-Two Draft format. Because drafting wasn’t complicated enough already. 🙄 Now you get to pick TWO cards from each booster pack! Twice the disappointment! 👯♀️
And for the grand finale, the “Bonus Sheet”! Because reprints with new artwork are totally what the fans want. 😒 This time, they’re pulling from Spider-Man’s history (or whatever’s left of it after this set). Iconic moments captured on MTG cards. Because nothing says “iconic” like a cardboard rectangle. 🗂️
And for the collectors out there, because Wizards knows how to prey on your wallets 🤑, they’re releasing special cards inspired by Spidey’s many costumes. Because who wouldn’t want to collect every single one of them? 🤡 From the iconic original suit to the “Bombastic Bag-Man suit.” I bet someone will buy these for thousands, because that is the world we live in. 🤦♂️
Lastly, we have Headliner cards, but without the text box! Now your card is just a pretty picture that nobody cares about. They even removed the entire text box. The headliner is The Soul Stone. I wonder if you need it to be able to enjoy this set. 💎
The PAX West 2025 panel was a villainous teaser of what is to come, powerful new abilities and returning mechanics that merge the universes of _Spider-Man_ and _Magic: The Gathering_. So, if you want to see your childhood memories defiled, be sure to pick up _Magic: The Gathering Spider-Man_ Universes Beyond when it launches on September 26, 2025. You can find more information on the Wizards of the Coast website. But let’s be honest, you’d probably be better off setting your money on fire. 🔥
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
