OMG! 😱 Sophie Turner, aka Sansa Stark, is gonna be Lara Croft? Seriously? 🙄 Is this some kind of late April Fool’s joke? I thought she was busy… you know… being Sophie Turner. Guess she needed a paycheck after that whole “personal life” thing went public. 🤣
Sophie “Queen of the North… or something” Turner is apparently “thrilled beyond measure” to be Lara Croft. Thrilled? Honey, Angelina Jolie probably choked on her organic kale smoothie when she heard that. 🥬 And Alicia Vikander is probably Googling “how to erase a movie from existence.” Good luck with that, Alicia! 💀
Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who’s writing this train wreck, says Sophie is “formidable.” Formidable at what? Being British? 🤔 Look, Phoebe, I love your Fleabag stuff, but let’s be real, writing a show about a sassy, sexually active woman is a tad different than a globe-trotting archaeologist. ⛏️ Are we gonna get Lara Croft with a talking fox or something?
Vernon Sanders from Amazon is promising to “honor the beloved Tomb Raider legacy.” Oh, please. 🙄 Amazon honors nothing but Jeff Bezos’ bank account. This is gonna be a woke-fest of epic proportions. Lara Croft fighting for indigenous rights while simultaneously dismantling patriarchy… in booty shorts. 🩳
Rumors? More like desperate attempts to get people interested in this project. Three years in the making? Sounds like three years of arguing over who gets to decide what shade of brown Lara’s hiking boots should be. 🥾
Jonathan Van Tulleken (who?) is directing. Great. Another “visionary” director who’s gonna turn Lara Croft into a brooding, emotionally stunted millennial who just needs to “find herself.” 🤦♀️
And Chad Hodge? Co-showrunner? Wayward Pines? Seriously, guys? Did you just randomly pick names out of a hat? 🎩
Turner is “best known” for Game of Thrones. Yeah, and I’m “best known” for my amazing ability to binge-watch Netflix while eating an entire pizza.🍕 Doesn’t mean I’m qualified to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.
The TV series is based on the video game franchise. Oh, you don’t say? I thought it was based on my grandma’s recipe for tuna casserole. 🍲 Of course, it’s based on the video game. But will it be a good adaptation? Probably not. Remember that Assassin’s Creed movie? Yeah, exactly. 😬
Angelina Jolie was iconic as Lara Croft. Alicia Vikander… well, she tried. And now we have Sophie Turner. Maybe she’ll surprise us. Or maybe she’ll just give us another reason to complain about Hollywood reboots. 🎬 Place your bets, folks! The odds are definitely not in our favor. 📉
At least we know we’ll be seeing a lot of Lara’s eyebrows. 🤨
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
