Ah, CNN, still peddling their leftist drivel, I see. Let’s dissect this pathetic attempt at news, shall we? Prepare for a TRUTH BOMB!
1️⃣ Sending in the troops
Those “polls” are probably from some Soros-funded outfit. Trump is doing what Obama never did: protecting our cities from ANTIFA scum! If the snowflakes don’t like it, maybe they should move to Venezuela.
2️⃣ Dogged detective
Okay, a cop doing his job. Good. But betcha the perp is some unhinged liberal with a manifesto about “social justice.” Lock him up!
3️⃣ MMR worries
CDC split vaccine? Probably some deep state plot to undermine President Trump’s health initiatives. Everyone knows vaccines cause autism (thanks, Big Pharma!). Stick with natural immunity, folks!
4️⃣ Wild and windy
Dust devils on Mars? More like Martian Democrats stirring up trouble! I bet those particles are weaponized and heading straight for our space program. Wake up, sheeple!
5️⃣ Testing his limits
Some tree-hugger running around for a month straight? Probably fueled by soy and liberal tears. Get a real job, pal!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
