Alright, buckle up buttercups, because Lita Ford, our resident queen of hairspray and questionable decisions, just dropped some truth bombs in a new interview with Axe Lords (whoever they are, probably some dudes with axes and questionable hygiene). Apparently, after ditching THE RUNAWAYS, she had a full-blown identity crisis. Like, who am I without a matching spandex jumpsuit and Joan Jett glaring at me? A total “reinvention,” she calls it. More like a mid-life crisis disguised as rock and roll.
So, according to Lita, THE RUNAWAYS were basically just a glorified college experience. You know, the kind where you experiment with your look, your sound, and maybe a questionable substance or two 🍃. Cherie thought she was David Bowie (bless her heart), Joan was channeling Suzi Quatro (who?), and Lita was busy lusting after Ritchie Blackmore (because, why not?). But when the band imploded, Lita had to figure out who Lita *really* was. Deep, right?
Enter the Great Lita Search: A quest to find the perfect hair (big, obviously), the most ridiculous clothes (leopard print is a must), and the most face-melting guitars (B.C. Rich to the rescue!). It’s like “Queer Eye for the Rock and Roll Guy,” but without the helpful advice and with way more hairspray.
And speaking of drama, let’s not forget Lita’s thoughts on that cinematic masterpiece (ahem) “The Runaways” movie. Apparently, it was all about Joan Jett, which, according to Lita, is a total fabrication. Joan was made to look “larger than life,” which I guess is a crime punishable by denim and bad hair days.
But hey, at least Lita loves Scout Taylor Compton, the actress who played her in the movie. Scout reached out for help, which is more than we can say for Kristen Stewart, who apparently isn’t on Lita’s Christmas card list. 🙄 The whole movie? A “glance over” and a firm “never again.” Ouch. Though, let’s be honest, most of us probably feel the same way about our high school yearbooks.
But wait, there’s more! Before the movie came out (15 years ago? Has it really been that long?), Scout praised Lita, calling her an “icon of rock.” Which is either genuine admiration or a desperate attempt to avoid being on Lita’s bad side. We’re betting on the latter.
And let’s not forget the burning question on everyone’s minds: Will THE RUNAWAYS ever reunite? According to Lita, probably not. Joan is stuck in “Joan Jett land,” which sounds like a terrifying amusement park filled with leather jackets and bad attitudes. And her manager? Apparently, he’s the puppet master pulling all the strings, and he sees Lita as a “threat.” Because, you know, one female rocker is one too many.
Lita claims she can’t even talk to Joan without the manager breathing down her neck. Can you imagine the drama? It’s like a rock and roll soap opera, but with more guitars and less talent.
Ex-RUNAWAYS singer Cherie Currie chimed in, claiming that a reunion almost happened three decades ago, but Lita bailed because she doesn’t get along with Kenny Laguna (Joan’s manager, and apparently the bane of Lita’s existence). So close, yet so far. 😫
And back in 2015, Lita said she nixed a reunion because “NIRVANA was just kicking in,” and nobody would have cared. Which is either a brilliant strategic move or a pathetic excuse. You decide.
So there you have it, folks. The never-ending saga of Lita Ford, THE RUNAWAYS, and enough drama to fuel a thousand rock and roll documentaries. Stay tuned for the next episode, where Lita probably blames her stylist for her questionable fashion choices. 🤘
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
