Oh, great, another Colin Farrell comic book movie 🙄. Fresh off his *totally* unforgettable role as Penguin (you know, the one where he was buried under 50 pounds of makeup?) in *The Batman* and the *critically acclaimed* (says who?) *The Penguin* series – which, let’s be real, only got Emmy noms because everyone loves a good prosthetic makeover – Farrell is gracing us with his presence once more. Prepare yourselves for *Ordained*, because apparently, Hollywood has run out of original ideas… again. 😴
So, Farrell’s playing a priest now, a *priest* with a *violent past*. Groundbreaking. 🤯 Based on some comic book no one’s ever heard of (issue #1 drops December 10 – mark your calendars, folks! 🗓️ …or don’t), this cinematic masterpiece will explore the depths of Farrell’s acting range… by having him punch people, probably. 👊
The Russo Brothers – yes, the ones who gave us *Avengers: Endgame* (aka the movie that everyone pretended to love but secretly thought was way too long) – are producing this gem. And who’s writing it? Only Derek Kolstad, the mastermind behind *John Wick*. So, expect a lot of stylish violence, questionable plot points, and Keanu Reeves… oh wait, wrong movie. 🙃
*Ordained* (because subtlety is for losers) features Farrell as Father Roy Craig, a priest with a *dark, secret past* (because apparently, all movie priests have dark, secret pasts 🤫). He’ll be battling gangsters, corrupt cops, and hitmen after some mob boss spills the beans during his last rites. But here’s the kicker: Father Craig, despite being a total badass, *never kills anyone*. 😇 Talk about a buzzkill. What’s the point of an action movie if the hero doesn’t actually, you know, *kill* anyone?
But wait, there’s more! 📣 Despite his bone-crunching fight skills, Father Craig will totally adhere to the sixth commandment: “Thou shalt not kill.” So he will just give them a serious owie. Good thing these guys didn’t hire Doomguy. 🪖
Production is slated to begin sometime in 2026, so get ready for another year of endless hype and speculation! 🎉
Let’s not forget Farrell’s previous comic book endeavors! Besides Penguin, he also played Bullseye in the 2003 *Daredevil* movie. Ah yes, that cinematic triumph starring Ben Affleck in a red leather suit. 🦇 Don’t worry if you don’t remember it; most of us have tried to block it from our memories. 🧠
Farrell was recently in *Ballad of a Small Player* and *A Big Bold Beautiful Journey*. Okay 👍.
So, buckle up, folks! We’re in for another wild ride of comic book adaptations, washed-up action stars, and questionable creative decisions. 🎢 Hollywood, never change! (Please do). 🤡
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
