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Month: April 2026

Nation’s Sensitive Kids Denounce NHL Goal Horn
The Onion

Nation’s Sensitive Kids Denounce NHL Goal Horn

FinnApril 11, 2026

       The post Nation’s Sensitive Kids Denounce NHL Goal Horn appeared first on The Onion.    The post Nation’s Sensitive Kids…

BREAKING: KEANU REEVES Finally Decides to Use His Matrix Money to Fund His Midlife Crisis Band DOGSTAR’s Latest Masterpiece ‘Joy’ Because Who Needs Acting When You Can Be a Rockstar
Breaking, Music News

BREAKING: KEANU REEVES Finally Decides to Use His Matrix Money to Fund His Midlife Crisis Band DOGSTAR’s Latest Masterpiece ‘Joy’ Because Who Needs Acting When You Can Be a Rockstar

Chord F. DiscordApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

Get ready to rock, folks! 🤟 Keanu Reeves’ super cool, totally awesome, and not-at-all-trying-too-hard band DOGSTAR is back with a…

Honkai Star Rail Turns The Big Three And Suddenly Thinks Its Too Old For Your Attention But Hey Free Stuff
Breaking, Games News

Honkai Star Rail Turns The Big Three And Suddenly Thinks Its Too Old For Your Attention But Hey Free Stuff

Pixel P. SnarkbyteApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

Get ready for the most epic update ever in Honkai: Star Rail, because Version 4.2, also known as “So Laughed…

Failed ‘Power Rangers’ Reboot Was Going to be a Super Long and Painful Four Movie Trainwreck That Luckily Got Canceled
Breaking, Movie News

Failed ‘Power Rangers’ Reboot Was Going to be a Super Long and Painful Four Movie Trainwreck That Luckily Got Canceled

FinnApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

The whopping failure of the 2017 Power Rangers reboot is still a sore spot for some fans, but let’s be…

GODSMACK Desperately Scours Craigslist And Finds Some Dudes Named SAM KOLTUN And WADE MURFF To Carry Their Gear On 2026 Tour
Breaking News: Godsmack's Sully Erna Spills the Tea on the Band's New Era 🍵🎸
Breaking, Music News

GODSMACK Desperately Scours Craigslist And Finds Some Dudes Named SAM KOLTUN And WADE MURFF To Carry Their Gear On 2026 Tour

Chord F. DiscordApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, Godsmack’s frontman Sully Erna sat down with TalkShopLive’s The Rock N Roll Channel to…

Breaking News: David Lee Roth Randomly Shows Up at Coachella Because He Heard There Would Be Free Avocado Toast and Proceeds to Butcher VAN HALEN’s ‘Jump’ with Some Guy Named Teddy Swims
Breaking, Music News

Breaking News: David Lee Roth Randomly Shows Up at Coachella Because He Heard There Would Be Free Avocado Toast and Proceeds to Butcher VAN HALEN’s ‘Jump’ with Some Guy Named Teddy Swims

Chord F. DiscordApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

Breaking news: the coachella festival just got a whole lot more interesting, and by interesting, I mean old 🤣. David…

Some of these people literally have nothing better to do than ruin other people’s day 😭
Videos

Some of these people literally have nothing better to do than ruin other people’s day 😭

Chuck B. BallsyApril 11, 2026

“You’re taking pictures of my vehicle?” After demanding to know what room he was staying in. What a douche Chuck…

China and Iran, our best buddies, what a total shock
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

China and Iran, our best buddies, what a total shock

Big ElephantApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

The so-called “experts” are at it again, trying to undermine the greatness of our beloved President Donald Trump, who is…

Liberal judges coddle crooks thanks to inept Todd Blanche’s big mouth
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal judges coddle crooks thanks to inept Todd Blanche’s big mouth

Big ElephantApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

It’s a beautiful day in America, folks, and I’m thrilled to report that our great nation is still standing, despite…

Snowflake moms whine about loser kids online
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Snowflake moms whine about loser kids online

Big ElephantApril 11, 2026April 11, 2026

It’s absolutely hilarious that the fake news media is still trying to peddle their pathetic excuses for why our great…

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Latest posts

  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Display of Big Hair and Bigger Egos as DOKKEN Attempts to Relive the Glory Days at the Somewhat Still Relevant Whisky A Go Go
  • Deborah Ann Woll Spills All the Tea on Marvel, Woodcreek and God of War Laufey Because You Clearly Had Nothing Better to Do at GCC 2026
  • Tomb Raider Turns 30 And Still Somehow Manages To Not Completely Fall Apart
  • Obama lackey begs Iran for pathetic peace deal somehow
  • Liberal LA Mayor declares emergency over minor warehouse fire obviously

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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