So, Judas Priest, those geriatric metal gods, apparently graced Italy with their presence at the Ferrara Summer Festival. 🙄 Yes, they’re still alive, still squeezing into leather pants (probably with the help of industrial-strength Spanx), and still belting out those high-pitched screams that only dogs can truly appreciate. 🐕🦺 But hey, at least someone filmed it, right? (Thanks, ADK, whoever you are – a true hero of questionable concert footage.)
And get this, folks: they’re calling it the “Shield Of Pain” tour. 🛡️ More like the “Shield of Denture Cream” tour, amirite? 😂 But seriously, SEVEN tracks from “Painkiller”? 😴 Okay, I get it, it’s the album’s 35th anniversary. But let’s be real, are people REALLY clamoring to hear “Between The Hammer And The Anvil” live? 🤔 I mean, sure, “Painkiller” is a classic… if you’re into that sort of thing. (Which, let’s be honest, most people aren’t anymore. 🤷♀️)
Oh, and the band promised a “rare” and “unique set”? 🤣 Yeah, rare like finding a Nickelback CD at a garage sale. Unique like… well, like every other Judas Priest concert from the last 30 years. Same songs, same poses, same Rob Halford screeching like a banshee. 👻
Here’s the setlist, for all two of you who care:
00:00 All Guns Blazing** (More like all gums flailing, amirite?)
05:47 Hell Patrol** (Is that what they call the AARP meeting these days?)
09:24 You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’** (Yeah, like a hip replacement)
15:34 Freewheel Burning** (More like “Free Wheelchair Turning”)
20:36 Breaking The Law** (More like “Breaking a Hip”)
22:56 A Touch Of Evil** (A touch of arthritis, more like)
28:49 Night Crawler** (More like “Nighttime bathroom staller”)
34:34 Solar Angels** (Sponsored by Depends)
39:01 Gates Of Hell** (The gates of the retirement home, maybe?)
43:49 Battle Hymn** / **One Shot At Glory** (One shot of Metamucil at glory)
51:20 The Serpent And The King** (Sounds like a D&D campaign gone wrong)
55:57 Between The Hammer And The Anvil** (Between the walker and the rocking chair)
01:00:46 Giants In The Sky** (More like “Geriatrics in the Sky”)
01:07:45 Painkiller** (The only thing killing pain these days is prescription meds)
01:15:46 The Hellion** / **Electric Eye** (The hearing aid and the cataract surgery)
01:20:06 Hell Bent For Leather** (Hell bent for Bengay)
01:24:10 Living After Midnight** (Living after the early bird special)
And they’re still touring in 2025? 👴 Seriously? I mean, good for them, I guess. But maybe it’s time to pass the torch to some younger bands who can actually, you know, *move* on stage. 🤷♂️
Rob Halford, bless his heart, says they’re gonna “show off” “Painkiller.” 🙄 Show off what, exactly? Their ability to still remember the lyrics? 🤔 And he calls it a “once-in-a-lifetime thing.” Yeah, because who would want to see this more than once? 😂
And the “hardest, heaviest, strongest, most energized metal album we’ve ever done”? 🤣 Oh, Rob, honey, bless your heart. Maybe back in 1990, but let’s be real, metal has evolved since then. “Painkiller” is like, the grandpa of metal albums.👴 It’s cute, but it’s not exactly cutting-edge. 🔪
K.K. Downing, bless his soul, says Scott Travis “opened doors” for them. 🚪 More like opened the door to the assisted living facility. But hey, at least Scott’s drum intro to “Painkiller” is iconic. 🥁 Even if it does sound like a washing machine falling down a flight of stairs. 🧺
And Scott himself is “blown away” that people appreciate “Painkiller.” 🥹 Yeah, well, people also appreciate cats playing the piano. 🐈⬛ Doesn’t mean it’s high art. 🖼️
So, there you have it, folks. Judas Priest, still kicking (sort of), still screaming (mostly), and still milking “Painkiller” for all it’s worth. 💰 God bless ’em. 🙏 Or maybe just send ’em a coupon for a free nap. 😴
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
