Oh, look, it’s “Only Murders in the Building” Season 5. Yes, STILL going. Who knew this show would last longer than my last relationship? 🙄 Anyway, apparently, someone croaked (again), and these three amateur sleuths are on the case, because, you know, actual police work is SO overrated. This time, it’s their beloved doorman, Lester. Spoiler alert: it probably wasn’t an accident because when IS it ever an accident in this show? Prepare for a thrilling adventure filled with billionaires, mobsters, and the mysterious residents of the Arconia. Because who needs a plot that makes sense when you’ve got ✨drama✨?
The trio will discover a deeper divide between their storied city they thought they knew and the new New York evolving around them — one where the old mob fights to hold on as newer, even more dangerous players emerge. Buckle up, buttercups, it’s gonna be a long season of red herrings and overly dramatic stares. 🤣
After their beloved doorman, Lester, dies under suspicious circumstances, Charles, Oliver, and Mabel refuse to believe it was an accident. Their investigation plunges them into the shadowy corners of New York and beyond — where the trio uncovers a dangerous web of secrets connecting powerful billionaires, old-school mobsters, and the mysterious residents of the Arconia. The trio discovers a deeper divide between their storied city they thought they knew and the new New York evolving around them — one where the old mob fights to hold on as newer, even more dangerous players emerge.
And the cast! Oh, the cast. Steve Martin, who’s probably wondering how he got here, Martin Short, still milking that same character from SCTV, and Selena Gomez, looking perpetually unimpressed. 😒 But wait, there’s more! We’ve got Michael Cyril Creighton, because every show needs a quirky neighbor, Meryl Streep, slumming it for a paycheck, Da’Vine Joy Randolph, likely wondering when craft services opens, Richard Kind, Nathan Lane, Bobby Cannavale, Renée Zellweger, Logan Lerman, Christoph Waltz, Téa Leoni, Keegan-Michael Key, Beanie Feldstein, Dianne Wiest, and Jermaine Fowler. It’s like they threw a dart at a wall of headshots and said, “Yep, you’re all in!” Because who needs a cohesive storyline when you have star power? ✨
Season 5 of Only Murders in the Building premieres September 9 on Hulu and on Hulu with Disney+. Because apparently, Disney+ is where sophisticated crime dramas go to die. 🤷♀️ Mark your calendars, set your reminders, and prepare to be mildly entertained while simultaneously questioning your life choices. 🎉
And if you’re STILL reading this, bless your heart. You’re clearly as bored as I am. Why not go outside? Read a book? Learn to knit? Anything would be more productive than watching another season of this show. But hey, who am I to judge? I’m just the sarcastic voice in your head. Enjoy! 😉
Oh, and one more thing: if you actually enjoy this show unironically, please seek help. Just kidding… mostly. 😉
So, there you have it. Season 5 of “Only Murders in the Building.” Will it be good? Probably not. Will I watch it anyway? Absolutely. Because I have no life. 🤣
Don’t forget to tune in on September 9th to watch these goofballs solve another crime that could easily be solved by, like, an actual detective. But hey, where’s the fun in that? 🎉
And remember, kids, if you ever find yourself in a murder mystery, just call Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez. They’re clearly more competent than the NYPD. 👮♀️
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go binge-watch cat videos. It’s a far more intellectually stimulating activity. 😹
Happy watching! Or, you know, don’t. Whatever. 🤷♀️
P.S. If you see me in the Arconia, mind your own business. I’m probably just there for the snacks. 🍪
P.P.S. I’m not actually in the Arconia. I live in my mom’s basement. But a girl can dream, right? 💭
P.P.P.S. I need a new hobby. Suggestions welcome. 🤔
Okay, I’m done now. Bye! 👋
