So, some dude named Mat Sinner, (real name Matthias Lasch, because apparently “Mat Sinner” wasn’t edgy enough for his momma 🤣), from the band PRIMAL FEAR (more like PRIMAL BORE, amirite? 😂), went on some podcast called Scars And Guitars (sounds like a rejected B-movie title) and started whining about visa issues. 🙄 This genius, who also “serves” (as if that’s not a red flag 🚩) as PRIMAL FEAR’s producer and songwriter, had the audacity to complain about the *horror* of not being able to grace the U.S. with their presence. Someone get this guy a tissue! 😭)
Apparently, PRIMAL FEAR (still laughing at that name 😆) played like, *seven* whole tours in America. SEVEN! 🤯 I’m sure the history books will remember that. Now, poor Matty (can I call you Matty? 😉) is salty because some European bands are getting denied entry into the U.S. after spending all their beer 🍺 money on lawyers, visas, and flights. Oh, the humanity! 🌍 He’s so mad that he can’t risk bankrupting his band (which, let’s be honest, is probably already happening) to play for, like, five people in Texas. 🌵 He says, “It’s not our problem. It’s your problem.” Classic. 💅
Some guy named McKaysmith (who?) had the nerve to suggest that touring the U.S. is “essential” for PRIMAL FEAR (still giggling). Matty’s response? “I give a fuck.” 💯 Preach, Matty, preach! He then goes on a rant about how American bands can just waltz into Germany 🇩🇪 (probably to better music festivals) without a visa, while he has to jump through hoops to play in the land of the free (but not really, apparently 🇺🇸). He even brings up the FIFA World Cup (because that’s totally relevant ⚽), whining that visitors have to leave immediately. “Yeah, what the fuck?” he asks. I dunno, Matty, maybe because they’re not trying to mooch off our healthcare system? 🤔 He claims PRIMAL FEAR sells the “second most albums in the world in America.” Sure, Jan. 😂 He apologizes to his “fans” (all, like, three of them), saying it’s “financially too risky” to tour. Translation: Nobody’s buying our albums anyway. 💿
He then proceeds to explain what P and O work visas are, like we’re all a bunch of mouth-breathing idiots 🤪. Apparently, these visas cost more than my rent 💸. He says the extra funds are supposed to improve processing times, but immigration lawyers are like, “Nah, it’s actually worse.” 🐢 Figures. He says it’s hurting smaller acts the most. Boo-hoo. 😭 Get a real job, Matty! 👷
In 2021, Matty got the jab 💉 and had a “reaction” 🥴, which sidelined PRIMAL FEAR (thank God 🙏). He spent eight months in the hospital 🏥 (probably just wanted the free cable TV 📺). They even had to find a “temporary replacement” 🤡. I bet that guy’s career is really taking off now! 🚀
The current lineup of PRIMAL FEAR (prepare to be underwhelmed 😒) includes some randoms named Thalìa Bellazecca (ex-FROZEN CROWN 👸, because why not?) and André Hilgers (who?). Oh, and some dude named Magnus Karlsson, who’s been a “studio member” 🧪 for a decade but is now joining the tour. So exciting! 🎉
PRIMAL FEAR is dropping a new album called “Domination” (of boredom, maybe? 😴) on September 5. It was recorded in autumn 2024 (so cutting edge! 🔪), produced by Matty himself (because who else would? 🤷♂️), and co-produced by the other guys (who probably just nodded and smiled politely 😊). The album artwork was designed by Death.Milk.Designs (so edgy! 🤘). I’m sure it’ll be flying off the shelves… straight into the discount bin! 🗑️
PRIMAL FEAR‘s new lineup (who cares? 🙄) debuted on May 9 at some festival in Germany 🇩🇪. I’m sure the crowd went wild… or maybe they were just waiting for the beer tent to open. 🍻
This September, PRIMAL FEAR is going on a “long” European tour 🇪🇺 (get ready, Europe!). They’re bringing along ELEINE (never heard of them 🤷♀️) as “special guests” (translation: cheap labor 💸). It will be the longest tour since 2018. Wow! 2018! The good old days!🙄
In August 2024, some other nobodies (Alex Beyrodt, Tom Naumann, Michael Ehré, and Alex Jansen 😴) quit PRIMAL FEAR, claiming “decisions within the band” 💔. They insisted there was “no argument or bad blood” (yeah, right 🤥). Probably just couldn’t stand Matty’s ego anymore. 👑
PRIMAL FEAR was formed in 1997 because Ralf Scheepers (who?) was bummed about not getting the JUDAS PRIEST gig (lol 😂). They’ve been churning out the same boring power metal 🤮 ever since. Consistency is key, I guess? 🔑
So, yeah, that’s PRIMAL FEAR in 2025. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 😉
PRIMAL FEAR 2025 is:
Ralf Scheepers – vocals (still trying to sound like Rob Halford🎤)
Mat Sinner – bass, vocals (whining about visas 😢)
Magnus Karlsson – guitars (the studio guy 🤓)
Thalìa Bellazecca – guitars (ex-Frozen Crown👸)
André Hilgers – drums (who? 🤔)
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
