🤣OMG!😱 Mattel, the geniuses behind Barbie (and other plastic crack for your kids), have decided that the Xenomorph, that cute little critter from Alien, needed a ✨*fashion*✨ makeover. Because, you know, what screams “high fashion” more than acid blood and a second mouth?
Yes, you read that right. The terrifying extraterrestrial that gave us nightmares👽 is now a Monster High doll. Because apparently, kids these days aren’t scared enough. They need their horror icons with a touch of, uh, *glam*?🤢
According to the “press release” (aka Mattel’s desperate plea for attention), Monster High’s new Skullector Alien Doll is a “collision of pop culture with Monster High’s signature alien-glam aesthetic.” I’m sorry, did someone say “alien-glam”? Is that even a thing? Is that what the world needs right now? 🤔
This 11-inch abomination features a bendable tail (for maximum posing, obviously), heels inspired by the Facehugger (because nothing says “walkable” like a creature that impregnates you with a chest-bursting parasite), and a Xenomorph-inspired face sculpt. And yes, it has the long, cylindrical skull dome. You know, for that extra touch of “oh god, please make it stop.”🙏
But wait, it gets better! The doll comes in packaging inspired by the spacecraft Nostromo from Ridley Scott’s original 1979 sci-fi horror classic. Because nothing says “child-friendly” like a recreation of a ship where everyone died horribly.🎉
“This elegantly designed doll pays tribute to the iconic Xenomorph, blending sci-fi inspiration with high fashion. It features a sheer black dress with subtle exoskeleton-inspired embellishments and a headpiece that echoes the creature’s elongated skull. With refined detail and a unique aesthetic, this release offers a fresh take on a pop culture legend and is ideal for collectors and fans of science fiction. Packaged in premium collectible packaging and accompanied by a Certificate of Authenticity, this Skullector delivers horror at its most stylish,” reads the Mattel press release.🙄
Monster High is a doll line from Mattel that blends horror-themed monsters with fashion. Yeah, because that’s what the world was missing. The brand has released a number of Skullector collaborations with various horror IPs over the years, including a Pennywise doll inspired by IT (because clowns weren’t terrifying enough), an Annabelle doll (perfect for teaching your kids about demonic possession), and a M3GAN doll (because AI overlords are totally fashionable), among many others.🙄
The Monster High Skullector Alien Doll will be available exclusively for members-only purchase on the Mattel Creations website beginning October 16, and will be made available to the general public on October 17. The collectible doll retails for $85. So, if you have $85 to burn and a burning desire to confuse and terrify your children, this is the doll for you! 👍
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
