In a shocking turn of events, fans of legendary thrash metal band Anthrax are clamoring for vocalist Joey Belladonna to ditch the microphone and return to his humble roots – shoveling horse manure at a countryside stable. Yes, you read that right! The same guy who belted out iconic anthems like «Caught in a Mosh» and «Indians» is now being urged to trade his leather jacket for overalls and embrace the sweet aroma of equine excrement.
💩 «He’s Better with Horses!» Anthrax Fans Choose Manure Over Music 🎶
Apparently, Belladonna’s recent revelation about his «fruitful» stint as a horse farmhand in the 90s has struck a nerve with some «fans», who seem to believe his true calling lies not in the realm of heavy metal, but in the art of mucking out stalls. Social media has exploded with comments like, «The best thing you can do for Anthrax is wash and clean up after the horses again» and the ever-so-supportive, «Joey Belladonna, the horses definitely miss you, but we don’t.» Ouch!
Now, we’re not ones to judge a man’s career choices, no matter how questionable they may seem. But let’s be real, folks. Is this really the hill these «fans» want to die on? Are they so musically inept that they can’t distinguish between a Grammy-nominated metal god and a stable boy with a penchant for power chords? It’s enough to make you wonder if these people even like Anthrax in the first place. Maybe they’re just a bunch of tone-deaf trolls who stumbled upon an Anthrax forum by accident and decided to stir up some chaos for the lulz. Or perhaps they’re secret agents from a rival band, sent to sabotage Anthrax from within by convincing their vocalist to embrace a life of agricultural servitude.
Whatever their motives, one thing’s for sure: these «fans» are about as welcome in the mosh pit as a vegan at a barbecue. They’re the kind of people who show up to a concert wearing earplugs and complain about the volume. The kind of people who think stage diving is a form of assault and battery. The kind of people who bring their knitting needles to a metal show and try to start a circle pit with a bunch of confused grandmas. In short, they’re the absolute worst.
But hey, maybe there’s a silver lining to all this. Maybe Belladonna will actually take their advice and ditch the music industry for good. After all, who needs the stress of recording albums, touring the world, and dealing with obnoxious fans when you can spend your days frolicking with horses and basking in the glory of freshly-mown hay? Plus, let’s not forget the added bonus of never having to hear another whiny fan complain about your «subpar» vocals ever again. It’s a win-win situation, really.
So go ahead, Joey. Embrace your inner equestrian. Trade your guitar for a shovel and your microphone for a pitchfork. The horses are waiting, and frankly, so are we. We can’t wait to see what kind of fertilizer you’ll produce next. Just don’t forget to wear gloves, okay? 💩
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
