Mark your calendars, DC fans: Supergirl is coming home, and by home, I mean to the endless void of streaming services, where it will inevitably get lost in the sea of content. The latest DC Comics movie will premiere on HBO Max next week, because what’s a superhero franchise without a streaming service to call its own?
No, not to Krypton. Or even to the ruins of Argo City. Just to the comfort of your own home, where you can binge-watch it in your pajamas and wonder what could have been. The film stars Milly Alcock as the titular character, based on the recent DC comic book Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow by writer Tom King and artist Bilquis Evely. In both the movie and the comic, Kara Zor-El joins forces with an alien girl named Ruthye (Eve Ridley) seeking revenge for the murder of her family at the hands of a brutal killer, Krem of the Yellow Hills (Matthas Schoenaerts). Because what’s a superhero movie without a healthy dose of revenge and murder?
The Never-Ending Quest for Originality
As I wrote in my review, the film felt less like the novel than an attempt to reconfigure this character and this story into a vehicle for a copycat of DC Studios co-CEO James Gunn’s Marvel movie Guardians of the Galaxy. Because, you know, that’s exactly what the world needs – another Guardians of the Galaxy. It’s not like we’ve seen that formula played out before in countless other movies. The forced and calculated attempt to recreate that aesthetic lands Supergirl somewhere closer to Guardians’ inferior copycats, like 2016’s abysmal Suicide Squad. Given the splash Alcock made in Superman, and the fact that Supergirl is based on one of the best books DC Comics has published in the last decade, this has to be one of the biggest disappointments in recent superhero movie history.
But hey, that’s just my opinion. Streaming allows for sampling at a much lower cost than a movie ticket, so if you want to check out Supergirl for yourself, it premieres on HBO Max on September 10. Because, you know, the best way to experience a movie is on a small screen with a million distractions. Somewhere a Focus Group earned another bonus for coming up with that brilliant idea.
The Summer of Discontent
The summer movie season was very good to us this year, with a plethora of blockbuster hits that will be forgotten by next week. Were its highest highlights, like Supergirl, really worth the hype? It’s hard to say, but one thing’s for sure – the Content Mines remain fully operational, churning out movie after movie, each one more forgettable than the last. Executives reportedly nodded very seriously during an expensive meeting, discussing the merits of rebooting yet another franchise. Because, you know, that’s exactly what the world needs – another reboot.
As I look back on the summer movie season, I’m reminded of the wise words of a studio executive: “We’re not just making movies, we’re creating a shared cinematic universe.” Yeah, because that’s exactly what audiences want – a never-ending, soulless franchise that will suck the life out of their favorite characters. Investors reportedly became emotional after hearing the phrase “shared cinematic universe,” and I’m sure it had nothing to do with the promise of endless merchandising opportunities. The Merchandising Department reportedly approved the decision before the writers did, because, you know, that’s how you make a movie – by starting with the toys and working your way up.
In the end, it’s just another day in Hollywood, where the Franchise Resurrection Department remains one of the busiest offices, and the sacred ritual of canceling shows immediately after audiences discover them continues unabated. So, go ahead and stream Supergirl on HBO Max, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Somewhere an algorithm has decided audiences wanted this, and I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that it’s a cheap way to fill a content void. The cycle continues, and I’m just along for the ride, waiting for the next big thing to come along and disappoint me. Again.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
