🤣OMG! Did anyone actually SEE this?! DEATH ANGEL’s resident screamer, Mark Osegueda, apparently thought it was a good idea to grace the stage with EXODUS at the House Of Blues in Anaheim last Saturday, April 26th. They dared to butcher the SCORPIONS classic (deep cut? More like a forgotten hemorrhoid!) “He’s A Woman – She’s A Man”. Fan-filmed video? More like evidence for the prosecution. 🚨 Proceed with caution, you’ve been warned!🚨
So, EXODUS, bless their cotton socks, decided they needed to cover the SCORPIONS. Because, you know, original material is SO overrated. And who did they rope in for this auditory assault? Oh, just Mark Osegueda. Apparently, he’s the ONLY guy who can “do Klaus [Meine] justice.” Right. Because screaming like a banshee is *exactly* what Klaus Meine is known for. 🙄 I bet Klaus is thrilled. Probably polishing his gold records while weeping quietly into his schnitzel. 😭
But wait, there’s MORE! Remember Rob Dukes? Yeah, the guy who sang for EXODUS before they realized they could just keep swapping singers like trading cards? Well, he made a triumphant return on April 5th at the Decibel Magazine Metal & Beer Fest: Philly. Because nothing says “metal” like lukewarm beer and washed-up vocalists. 🍻 Metal AND Beer fest? More like Bland AND Drear Fest. I bet the mosh pit was full of people trying to escape the music.🏃
Oh, the drama! So, EXODUS kicked out Steve “Zetro” Souza AGAIN. It’s like a revolving door of thrash metal singers. Seriously, someone needs to get these guys a therapist. Or maybe just a decent songwriting coach. 🤷♂️ And of course, they went back to Dukes. Because apparently, they just LOVE recycling old mistakes. Maybe they should just put an ad on Craigslist: “Wanted: Thrash Metal Singer. Must be okay with getting fired and rehired repeatedly.” 🤪
Let’s recap the saga of Zetro: he joined in ’86, left in ’93, came back in ’02, left again in ’04, and then came back AGAIN until recently! It’s like a thrash metal soap opera! 🤣 Someone needs to write a screenplay about this. I’m thinking “As the Thrash Turns”. It’ll be a blockbuster! 🎬
Dukes graced us with his presence on four whole albums! Four! That’s like, almost half of EXODUS‘s discography. And one of them was a RE-RECORDING of “Bonded By Blood”. Because, you know, the original wasn’t good enough. I’m sure the fans were clamoring for a slightly worse version of a classic. 🙄
And speaking of “Bonded By Blood,” let’s address the elephant in the room: EXODUS is NOT in the “Big Four.” Never have been, never will be. They’re like that awkward cousin who shows up to the family reunion and tries to act like they’re just as cool as everyone else. Sorry, guys. Maybe if you stopped swapping singers every five minutes, you’d actually achieve something. 🙄 But hey, at least they inspired TESTAMENT and DEATH ANGEL. So, they’ve got that going for them. Which is nice. I guess. 😐
Oh, and Osegueda is on Kerry King‘s solo album. Because apparently, Kerry King has a solo album. Who knew? 🤷♀️ I’m sure it’s full of the same tired riffs and angry screaming we’ve come to expect. Can’t wait. NOT. 🤮
DEATH ANGEL released a live album called “The Bastard Tracks”. Sounds about right. It’s a collection of “rarely and never performed songs”. Translation: songs that even THEY forgot about. 🤣 And it was streamed live! Because nothing says “quality” like a live stream.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
