Alright, buckle up buttercups, because CCP Games, bless their cotton socks, just announced *another* expansion for EVE Online at Fanfest 2025. It’s called EVE Online: Legion, because apparently, “EVE Online: We’re Still Milking This Cow” was deemed too on-the-nose. 🐄💰 Get ready for May 27th, 2025, when the servers inevitably crash under the weight of… well, not *new* players, but the same grumpy veterans logging in to complain about it.
So, EVE Fanfest is back! 🎉 After taking last year off to, uh, “re-evaluate” (read: count all the money they made), CCP is back with a vengeance! Or at least, with an expansion. Same difference, right? They’re promising *EVE Online: Legion* will be a game-changer. I’m sure it will be, just like all the other “game-changing” updates that ended up changing absolutely nothing except maybe the price of Tritanium. 🙄
But what does this all *mean* for you, the perpetually-isk-poor capsuleer? Well, strap in, because Legion is bringing the holy grail of EVE: *balance changes*. Yes, because that’s *totally* what this game needs. More number tweaking! Get ready for your favorite cruiser to be nerfed into oblivion, and your least favorite capital ship to become even more OP. Capital ships, reworked map experience. Omega clones get more skill points. All this, in partnership with the Council of Stellar Management. Aka, the guys CCP ignores 99% of the time, but trots out for PR points. 😇
Speaking of nullsec, get ready for… drumroll please… the Equinox Sovereignty Suite! Because what EVE *really* needs is more ways to micromanage your space pixels. Now you can “fortify systems, exploit resources, and shape the future borders of power!” In other words, more spreadsheets in space. 📊 Don’t forget the new Corporation Palette, allowing you to assign colors and designs to your Corps to mark you and your allies on the battlefield. Because nothing says “strategic advantage” like painting your spaceships bright pink. 💅
But wait, there’s more! Two new warships are entering the fray! First, we have the Babaroga, a Triglavian Tech II marauder for the “meticulous” pilot. I think they meant “masochistic.” This thing apparently “channels devastating entropic disintegrators.” Which, let’s be honest, sounds like something you’d find in your grandma’s basement, not a spaceship. 👵
Then there’s the Sarathiel, an Angel Cartel dreadnought that “rains down long-range capital-class destruction.” So, basically, it’s a bigger, angrier version of everything else in EVE. Oh, and it can use a Capital Micro Jump Drive in siege mode! Because what could possibly go wrong with a dreadnought jumping around the battlefield? 💥
And finally, the pièce de résistance: Freelance Jobs! Because everyone knows what EVE Online *really* needed was to become a space-themed Fiverr. Now you can “transport critical supplies, dive into combat, or masterminding industrial operations” for other players. Because trusting random internet strangers with your precious cargo never ends badly, right? 💀
Bergur Finnbogason, EVE Online’s Creative Director, says that with Legion, they’re opening a direct path to joining the fight in gaming’s largest war. What he *really* means is they’re opening a direct path for new players to get ganked by veteran players in Ventures before they even know what hit them. Welcome to EVE, noob! 👋
So, there you have it. EVE Online: Legion. Coming May 27th, 2025. Get ready for more of the same, but with a fresh coat of paint and a slightly higher price tag. See you in space (maybe)! 🚀 Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more EVE Online news and totally unbiased opinions! 😉
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
