OMG, is Halsey, queen of strategically placed glitter and vaguely angsty lyrics, about to collab with Amy Lee, the patron saint of Hot Topic? 😱 The internet is, like, totally losing its collective mind, probably because they haven’t had a good reason to dust off their old Tripp pants in ages.
So, apparently, Halsey (bless her heart) decided to send out a super-secret, top-level, CIA-worthy audio snippet to her fans. The message? “Starting with this (the answer is yes, I am freaking out about it).” Oh honey, we’re all freaking out, mostly because we’re wondering if this is some elaborate marketing scheme to sell more of whatever perfume she’s hawking this week. 👃
The snippet itself? A “spooky, swirling goth-tinged slice of alt-rock.” Yeah, because that’s *totally* not generic enough to describe, like, 90% of the music on alternative radio. 🙄 It features Halsey belting out, “Do it ’cause you know you can,” which is, frankly, the most inspirational thing I’ve heard all week (said no one ever). Then, BAM! A second, “unknown” female voice chimes in with the profound lyric: “Turn around and bite the hand that feeds.” Groundbreaking. Absolutely revolutionary. I’m pretty sure my grandma wrote that on a cross-stitch sampler back in ’87. 👵
Of course, the internet sleuths (aka people with way too much time on their hands) immediately jumped to the conclusion that the “unknown” voice belongs to none other than Amy Lee, the OG goth goddess herself. I mean, who else could possibly pull off that level of melodramatic angst? 🤔
“B—H IS THAT AMY LEE?” one particularly eloquent fan screeched on Twitter. (Because, you know, subtlety is for losers.) Another one shrieked, “HALSEY WHAT IS THIS?!? THIS IS AMY LEE ISNT IT?!?!?” Calm down, Brenda. It’s just music. Well, allegedly. We haven’t actually heard the full song yet, so it could just be a recording of cats fighting over a hairball. 🐈⬛
Someone else gushed, “Amy & Halsey’s vocals together on a soft rock eerie punk song??! Dreams really do come true!” Okay, slow down there, buddy. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It’s not like they’re curing cancer or anything. It’s just a pop star and a rock star making music together. It’s been done before. Get a grip. 🤡
But wait, there’s more! Apparently, the two divas have been dropping “cryptic” hints for days. Halsey posted a picture of two women in tulle skirts (because nothing says “rock ‘n’ roll” like tulle) on her Instagram Stories. Amy Lee then reposted it, because, you know, that’s how collaborations work these days. It’s all about the subtle art of social media breadcrumbs. 🍞
Some people (the truly delusional ones) think this might be a remix of Halsey’s song “Lonely Is the Muse,” which was “coincidentally inspired by the sound of Evanescence.” Oh, the irony! It’s like rain on your wedding day! (Sorry, I had to.) ☔️
The article then goes on to remind us that Halsey has been “open about her love for Amy Lee and Evanescence” for years. Apparently, she even dressed up as Amy Lee for Halloween one year. How…original. 🙄
And, of course, the love is “mutual.” Amy Lee apparently called Halsey her “OG dark rock queen” on Instagram. Because, you know, that’s how real queens talk to each other. 👑
Honestly, I’m not sure what to make of all this. Is it going to be the greatest musical collaboration of all time? Probably not. Is it going to be a train wreck of epic proportions? Maybe. Will I secretly listen to it on repeat while wearing my old Hot Topic gear? Don’t judge me. 🤫
Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.
Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.
Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤
