Chris Pine Apparently Still Employed, Set to Mildly Jog During Evening Hours in Film “Run the Night”

OMG, Chris Pine is back! 🙄 I mean, did anyone even notice he was gone? Apparently, he’s gracing us with his presence in a new thriller called ‘Run the Night.’ Because, you know, the world was just DYING for another generic action movie. 😴

So, the plot? Chrisy-poo plays a banker who somehow manages to anger the Dutch mob. Yes, the DUTCH mob. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Are they going to fight with windmills and tulips? 🌷🔪 Anyway, he gets dumped naked in Amsterdam (ooh la la!) with a $10 million bounty on his head. Because that’s totally realistic. 🙄 He has to fight his way across the city to save his family. Groundbreaking. 🙄

And who’s directing this masterpiece? Some dude named Robert Alonzo, who’s mostly known for doing stunts in movies like ‘Deadpool’ and ‘The Flash.’ So, basically, he’s really good at making things go boom. 💥 Which is probably all this movie will be anyway.

But wait, there’s more! Apparently, Chris Pine LOVES this story. Like, REALLY loves it. He says, “I love this story, character, and reuniting with Rob.” Wow, so profound. 😭 I’m sure that’ll translate into a cinematic masterpiece.

And Lionsgate is “proud” to be involved. Because, you know, they’re always proud to churn out the same tired action tropes. 🙄

But let’s be real, the only reason anyone cares about this movie is because Chris Pine is in it. And let’s be even more real, he hasn’t been in anything good since… well, I can’t actually remember. Was it the first Star Trek movie? 🤔 Maybe he should stick to those. At least he looked good in a spacesuit. ✨

Oh, and apparently, he directed a movie called ‘Poolman’ recently. 🏊‍♂️ I haven’t seen it, but the reviews were… not great. Let’s just say it didn’t exactly set the world on fire. 🔥 More like a damp squib.

So, yeah, ‘Run the Night.’ Get ready for explosions, naked Chris Pine (maybe?), and a whole lot of generic action movie clichés. 🎬 I’m sure it’ll be a huge hit with people who have absolutely no taste. 😜

But hey, at least Chris Pine is getting work. Gotta pay those bills somehow, right? 🤷‍♀️ Maybe he can use the money to buy a better script next time. 🙏

In the meantime, I’ll be over here, re-watching ‘Star Trek’ and pretending that Chris Pine is still relevant. 🖖

And seriously, a Dutch mob? What’s next, a Belgian biker gang? 🇧🇪🏍️ I can’t even. 🤦‍♀️

This movie sounds like a dumpster fire. 🔥🗑️ I’m only watching it if they promise to include a scene where Chris Pine fights a swarm of angry tulips. 🌷😠 Then, and ONLY then, will I consider it a masterpiece.

So, mark your calendars, folks. ‘Run the Night’ is coming to theaters… eventually. And it’ll probably be gone just as quickly.💨 But hey, at least we’ll have some new Chris Pine memes to enjoy. 😂

I’m not holding my breath for this one. 🙅‍♀️ But who knows, maybe it’ll surprise us all. Maybe Chris Pine will suddenly transform into a brilliant actor. Maybe the Dutch mob will actually be scary. Maybe pigs will fly. 🐷✈️

Okay, I’m done. ✌️ Go watch something good instead. Like ‘Paddington 2.’ 🐻 Because that movie is a true masterpiece. 🏆

And if you actually enjoy ‘Run the Night,’ please don’t tell me. I don’t want to lose any more faith in humanity. 🙏

Seriously, though, a Dutch mob? 🇳🇱 I can’t get over it. It’s like something out of a bad comedy. 🤣

Maybe they should have called the movie ‘Tulip Trouble.’ 🌷💥 Or ‘Amsterdamned Again.’ 🚢🌊

Okay, I’m REALLY done now. 🛑 Go away. 🚶‍♀️

Just kidding! 😉 Stay and tell me why you think this movie will be good. I need a laugh. 😂

But seriously, lower your expectations. 👇 You’ll thank me later. 😉

And if you see Chris Pine, tell him to call me. 😘 Just kidding! …Unless…? 🤔

Okay, bye! 👋