So, apparently, Bill Ward, yes, THAT Bill Ward, the one who wasn’t quite up to snuff for the “final” Sabbath album (lol), has a radio show. I know, right? Who knew he even knew how to operate a microphone, let alone pick out music? Anyway, he and some dude named Mike Stark, who I’m sure is totally essential to the whole operation (said no one ever), used to do this thing where Bill played his “favorite tunes.” Which, let’s be honest, probably includes a lot of polka and maybe some elevator music, sandwiched between some slightly-less-obscure metal bands.
They stopped in 2018 because of some “redevelopment project,” which is code for “nobody listened, and they couldn’t afford the rent.” But fear not, true believers (of mediocrity), they’re back! This time on KLBP, which I’m guessing is located in someone’s garage in Long Beach. Tune in Sundays at 10 a.m. Pacific Time, if you’re into that sort of thing. Or, you know, just listen to actual Black Sabbath.
And because no one can let anything die these days, there’s this “Back To The Beginning” charity show. Black Sabbath… again. With Metallica, Slayer, Pantera, and “many more.” Translation: bands that are either past their prime, or constantly trying to relive it. I’m sure it’ll be a heartwarming display of geriatric headbanging and overpriced merchandise. 👴🤘🤑
Ozzy, bless his rambling heart, chimed in about Bill’s absence from “13”. Apparently, he “can’t remember why Bill didn’t do it.” Oh, Ozzy, we all know why. Contractual disputes, lack of fitness… the usual rock star drama. But he does admit it “wasn’t really BLACK SABBATH because Bill wasn’t there.” No, Ozzy, it was BLACK SABBATH *trying* to be BLACK SABBATH, but sounding more like a tribute band with a really expensive budget. He then compares Bill to Ginger Baker in the Beatles… Dude. Just stop. 🤦♂️
Ozzy’s also “sad” Bill wasn’t at “The End” tour’s final show. Tommy Clufetos did a “great job,” but “he ain’t Bill Ward.” Well, no, Ozzy, he’s not. He’s probably a drummer who can actually keep time consistently and doesn’t need a nap after every song. But hey, nostalgia is a powerful drug. 💊
Is Ozzy happy with the arc of Black Sabbath? Of course not! “It’s unfinished!” He wants one more gig with Bill, preferably in a “club or something unannounced.” Because nothing says “epic comeback” like playing to a handful of drunk dudes in a dive bar. 🙄
Ozzy then proceeds to trash “13” some more, saying he “didn’t really get a charge from the album.” Thanks, Ozzy, we noticed. He blames Rick Rubin, because of course he does. It’s always someone else’s fault, right? He does give Geezer some credit for lyric writing, though, so at least there’s that. Silver linings and all that jazz. 🤷♂️
Is Black Sabbath “totally done” in Ozzy’s mind? “I would like to say it’s completely done.” Translation: “I’m saying it’s done, but I’ll probably change my mind next week if someone offers me enough money.” He then whines about Bill not being on “13” *again*, and how it “wasn’t recorded the way BLACK SABBATH recorded records.” No kidding, Sherlock! It was recorded with a producer who thought it would be a good idea to replace Bill Ward with a drum machine. Or at least, that’s what it sounded like. 🤖
Bill, in 2012, announced he wouldn’t be joining the band due to a “contractual dispute.” Which is code for “they didn’t want to pay me what I thought I was worth.” Rick Rubin suggested replacing him with Ginger Baker, which Tony Iommi rightly shot down. Then they went with Brad Wilk from Rage Against the Machine. Because, you know, that’s a totally logical choice. 🤦♀️
Bill then admitted in 2021 that he no longer had the “chops” and the “ability” to perform with Black Sabbath. “I have to be back to 60 years old to be able to do that,” he said. Well, Bill, maybe you should have taken better care of yourself, instead of, you know, doing whatever it is that drummers do when they’re not drumming. 🥁💤
But wait, there’s hope! Bill “would love to do a studio album with SABBATH, with all the original members.” He’s “just floating that out there.” Because, you know, the world is just clamoring for more Black Sabbath albums that sound like rejected B-sides from “13.” He thinks as long as they’re all “breathing in air,” they have a “possibility of making some great music together.” I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. 🤮
Ozzy, ever the diplomat, told The Pulse Of Radio that Bill “was not in shape to participate.” “I don’t think personally he had the chops to pull it off, you know.” Thanks for the subtle shade, Ozzy. He also says Bill should have “owned up to that,” and they could have “worked around it.” By which he means, they could have found a younger, fitter drummer to do all the work while Bill sat on a stool and pretended to play. 🪑
There were rumors of a second drummer to share duties with Bill, which Iommi confirmed. Because nothing screams “Black Sabbath” like having two drummers, one of whom is probably struggling to remember what song they’re playing. 🤯
And there you have it, folks. The never-ending saga of Black Sabbath continues. Will they ever truly be done? Probably not. As long as there’s money to be made and egos to be stroked, they’ll keep dragging themselves out of retirement like zombies in a low-budget horror movie. 🧟♂️
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
