Ozzy Osbourne, the bat-biting legend, and his equally legendary (debatable) family are gracing the Comic Con Midlands in Birmingham, UK, with their presence! Yes, you heard it right! Just days after Ozzy’s *alleged* last-ever concert with BLACK SABBATH (again… for the tenth time), they’re ditching retirement for cosplay and autographs. Because, let’s face it, what else would they do? 🤷♂️
The Prince of Darkness, accompanied by his oh-so-subtle wife/manager Sharon (who definitely doesn’t have an agenda), and their spawn, Kelly and Jack (remember them?), will be at the NEC in Birmingham. Forget grieving the *end* of SABBATH; come worship the Osbournes! They’re the convention’s special guests, because, you know, nothing screams “comic book convention” like a washed-up rocker and his reality TV family. 🙄
According to Comic Con Midlands, Ozzy‘s participation is a monumental event because of his “legendary music career” (mostly biting bats, let’s be honest), Sharon‘s “powerhouse presence” (aka yelling at people on TV), and Kelly and Jack‘s “unforgettable personalities” (rehab, anyone?). Apparently, they’ve “cemented their place in pop culture history.” Someone needs to redefine “history.” 🤔
The organizers claim Comic Con Midlands is “the best place to celebrate all things pop culture.” Translation: a place to buy overpriced Funko Pops and wait in line for hours to get a signature from someone you vaguely remember. But hey, at least you might get to see Ozzy drool on himself! 🤩
Ah yes, “The Osbournes”, the MTV reality show that subjected the world to the daily lives of a rich, dysfunctional family. Remember when that was considered groundbreaking television? Now it’s just… sad. 😔
Ozzy, in his infinite wisdom, once revealed that “The Osbournes” was inspired by “MTV Cribs”. Because what the world really needed was an extended version of rich people showing off their stuff, but with more swearing and questionable parenting. 🤦♀️ He thought it would be a piece of cake until he realized he couldn’t even pee in peace without a camera shoved in his face. Poor guy. 😢
Ozzy claims the concept “grew out of” “Cribs”. Yeah, like a fungus. It started as a week, then a month, then BOOM! “The Osbournes” was born, unleashing a plague of reality TV upon the world. Thanks, Ozzy! 😒
He also gave props to Sharon for being “courageous” when she let the cameras roll during her cancer diagnosis. Because nothing says “courage” like exploiting your personal tragedy for ratings. 😇
Ozzy whines that current reality shows are “all scripted,” unlike his. Right, because watching him stumble around mumbling incoherently was pure, unadulterated reality. We totally believe you, Ozzy! 🤥
“The Osbournes”, the “highest rated original program in MTV‘s history” (says who?), ran from 2002 to 2005. It followed the lives of Ozzy and his family, including Sharon‘s cancer battle and Kelly and Jack‘s adventures in rehab. Good times! 🎉
“The Osbournes” was supposedly the first show to follow celebrities around, leading to copycats like “Gene Simmons Family Jewels” and “Growing Up Twisted”. Because who wouldn’t want to watch more rich people doing nothing? 🤷
Ozzy confessed that he was “falling apart emotionally” during the show. Boo-hoo! 😭 Having a camera crew invade your privacy for three years can be tough, but hey, at least you got paid a “shitload of dough,” right? Don’t forget the exposure, Ozzy! 🤑
He felt like a “fucking laboratory rat” and couldn’t even “relax.” Welcome to the real world, Ozzy! He also lamented that the world had turned into “Kardashianville.” Pot meet kettle. ☕
Sharon claimed that their “lives were never the same again” after the show. No duh! You went from being a semi-normal family to a bunch of fame-hungry reality stars. Congrats! 🥳
Remember when Ozzy was always running on a treadmill on the show? Yeah, that was a lie. He’d just go get stoned in his “little bunker” after the cameras stopped rolling. So inspiring! 💫
Sharon spilled the beans that Ozzy was “stoned the whole time” during filming. He wasn’t sober for one day! Now that’s dedication to the craft! 👏
Ozzy admitted he couldn’t watch the show because he was too high to know what was going on. We can tell, Ozzy! 😵💫
He also confessed to doing “a lot of prescription drugs.” Because why not? Might as well go full rock star, right? 🤘
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
