Okay, so I never got the hype about Grounded back in the day. Thought it was some kiddie pool game, until I heard Hoops drop an F-bomb in Grounded 2. Guess I was wrong 🤷♀️. The Xbox Games Showcase was a snooze-fest, but whatever, Grounded 2 has a cult following, so I guess I’ll pretend to be excited.
I suffered through the tutorial because I’m a noob. Four characters to choose from? Max, Willow, Pete, or…Hoops. Obvious choice, duh. Hoops wakes up shrunk again, classic. The tutorial is basically corporate training for Ominent. After some earth-shattering event (that I won’t spoil because I’m so considerate), you’re dumped into Brookhollow Park. Sounds thrilling, right? 🙄
Visually, Grounded 2 is…fine, I guess. Lush, bright, harvestable stuff everywhere. A hoarder’s wet dream, or nightmare, depending on how you feel about digital clutter. Crafting tutorials? Groundbreaking. Tree roots, grass, rocks…the usual. Oh, and “big” people trash. So realistic! 🗑️ The press photos showed melted ice cream scenes. Innovative? More like diabetes-inducing.
I cornered Marcus Morgan, the executive producer, in a group interview (because I’m important like that). Asked him about the original Grounded. He droned on about “charm” and “quirky nostalgia.” Basically, they didn’t want to mess with the formula. Late 80s/early 90s vibes. So original! 😴
Apparently, “buggies” are the hot new mount mechanic. I got a magic button to spawn an ant mount. Smashing walls, harvesting materials…riveting gameplay. 🐜 Morgan thinks buggies will add something “special.” I think it’s just a lazy way to add content.
The trailer had spider mounts. Cool, I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing. Morgan assured everyone that Arachnophobia Safe Mode will still be a thing. So brave. 🕷️
Morgan kept rambling about the community. Asked him how they’re honoring the current fans while luring in new suckers, I mean, players. He said everything should feel like Grounded 1. Groundbreaking. But they also “aged the game up a little bit.” Whatever that means. 🤔
Apparently, the player base has aged too. Five years ago, if you were 12, you’re 17 now. Your tastes are different, your vibe is different. So they added a “darker tint.” Edgy. 🖤
If you’re expecting Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, you’re in for a disappointment. You’re fighting “adorable” bugs, searching bodies, and “fighting for survival.” Obsidian has “mastered the charm.” I’m looking forward to seeing how dark it gets. Or not. 🤷♀️
I have “smaller concerns” with combat. My spear aiming was wonky. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s the spear. Who cares? There are “plenty of weapons to come.” The map markers were equally confusing. Looked the same, couldn’t tell which quest was which. Ran in circles for a while. Fun times. 🤪
Grounded 2 launches into early access on July 29, 2025. Obsidian is busy with The Outer Worlds 2 and Avowed. I had to ask, why now for Grounded 2? “The game’s ready,” Morgan said with “utter confidence.” And I have to say, I agree. Or not. 🙄
Grounded 2 played well and looked beautiful. Sure, Jan. Plus, it’s launching almost exactly five years from the original Grounded. So “perfect.” Grounded 2 will be here soon, on July 29, 2025, for Xbox, Xbox PC, and Steam. Get ready to be underwhelmed! 🤣
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
