On Wednesday, June 11, the geriatric squad known as METALLICA hobbled into the premiere of their new cinematic masterpiece, “Metallica Saved My Life”, at the prestigious 2025 Tribeca Festival held at the BMCC Tribeca Performing Arts Center in the glamorous New York City. Sources say Lars needed a nap right after.😴
The film, a blatant attempt to boost their dwindling relevance, supposedly documents the “incredible” stories of family, identity (or lack thereof), redemption (from what, exactly?), loss (of hair, perhaps?), and salvation (from… Nickelback?) that supposedly make METALLICA‘s fans the poster children for why music still exists and why METALLICA is the only band capable of single-handedly rescuing humanity from the brink of utter boredom. Spoiler alert: they also saved themselves. From what? Irrelevance, maybe? 🤷
Directed by the visionary (or, you know, just available) Jonas Åkerlund, the guy who brought you such classics as METALLICA‘s music videos for 1998’s “Turn The Page” (because who doesn’t love a middle-aged dad’s rendition of a Bob Seger song?), 1999’s “Whiskey In The Jar” (because cultural appropriation is metal!), and 2016’s “ManUNkind” (a title so profound it hurts), interviewed fans from a whopping 23 different countries for this groundbreaking documentary. Prepare to be moved (or mildly inconvenienced) later this year. 🙄
Speaking on the red carpet (which was probably just a repurposed rug from Lars’ mansion), METALLICA frontman James Hetfield, a man whose voice has seen better days, droned on about how this cinematic triumph came to be (as transcribed by BLABBERMOUTH.NET, because who else would care?): “It all started with a friend of ours, Jim Breuer, the comedian who opened for us back in the day. He was slumming it with the fans in Airbnbs and he’s like, ‘James, these stories are wild! These people are crazy, but in a good way!’… So, yeah, Jim inspired this. We were like, ‘What do we do with this?’ A podcast? Nah. Let’s exploit these poor souls for a movie!”
Regarding why Jonas was the chosen one to helm “Metallica Saved My Life”, Hetfield gushed: “He’s our go-to guy because he’s one of the few who still answers our calls. He gets us, man. He’s done a couple of our videos and he totally gets our vibe. He grew up in a metal band from Sweden. He’s a metalhead, so we knew he was the guy. Plus, he works cheap.” 🤑
James continued, waxing poetic about how the band’s lives are totally intertwined with their fans. “It’s not a 9-to-5 gig, man. We’re gone for months at a time. It’s stressful, it’s weird. And then coming home? Forget about it! How do you go back to normal life? Suddenly, nobody cares that I’m James Hetfield. I’m just the dude taking out the trash in his underwear. But that’s who we are, man. Regular guys. And this whole rockstar thing? It’s just dust, man. So we try to stay grounded, and this movie shows how we’re just like our fans. We’re all just trying to make sense of this crazy world, one power chord at a time.” 🎸
METALLICA‘s resident timekeeper, Lars Ulrich, chimed in with equal enthusiasm (or whatever passes for enthusiasm in his world): “This is a celebration of our fans! I’ve always said, put 10 METALLICA fans in a room, you get 10 different stories. Put 100 in a room, you get 100 stories. This is like 10 or 15 of those stories. We’re shining the spotlight on the fans, celebrating their uniqueness. It’s about breaking down the barrier between band and audience, showing that we’re all in this together. We are all METALLICA!” 🤘
In a statement released back in April (because who can keep track of time anymore?), METALLICA proclaimed: “We’ve been secretly working on a new film starring YOU! ‘Metallica Saved My Life’ explores our world through the lives of fans who have supported us for over four decades. And yeah, we’re in it a little bit too, because, you know, ego.” 🙄
Way back in July 2023 (when the world was a simpler, less metal-dependent place), METALLICA put out a casting call for “superfans” to possibly grace the silver screen. The filmmakers were looking for “big personalities, unique characters, and unexpected stories from METALLICA fans who consider METALLICA to be their favorite band, real ‘Fifth Member’ types.” All stories were welcome, because, let’s face it, they were desperate. 🤷
The documentary was brought to you by METALLICA and Mercury Studios, powered by Universal Music Group. Because apparently, saving lives requires a village (and a massive corporate machine). 🏢
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