Ah, CNN, still peddling their liberal garbage, I see. Let’s dissect today’s dose of leftist propaganda, shall we? It’s always a joy to see how they twist reality to fit their narrative. Buckle up, folks, because we’re diving into the deep state of fake news!
1️⃣ Extreme Heat: Oh no, the weather is changing! Quick, blame it on climate change and ignore the fact that summers have always been hot. I bet those roads and bridges were built by woke engineers who hate America. And delayed trains? Probably a union plot to make us dependent on their socialist system.
2️⃣ Good and Bad: Heart disease is down? Must be a trick! The liberals are probably hiding something. Maybe they’re poisoning our water supply to control us, or maybe it’s the vaccines Bill Gates is using to track us. Don’t trust anything they tell you!
3️⃣ ‘Off-the-scale offensive’: Jack the Ripper tourism? Typical London, embracing degeneracy. They’re probably teaching kids about it in schools now, glorifying violence against women. It’s all part of the globalist agenda to destroy traditional values.
4️⃣ Psychedelic therapy: An NFL player using psychedelics? That’s what happens when you let these athletes get woke! Next thing you know, they’ll be kneeling for the anthem and demanding reparations. Stick to prayer and hard work, son, not hippie drugs!
5️⃣ Dino-mite discovery: A dog-sized dinosaur? More like a rat-sized lie! The scientists are probably in league with the communists, trying to rewrite history and undermine our faith in God. Don’t fall for their evolutionary nonsense!
🚕 Mixed reviews: Of course, Tesla’s robotaxis are getting “mixed reviews.” The deep state is terrified of Elon Musk’s free-thinking genius. They’re trying to sabotage his company and make us all dependent on their government-controlled transportation.
• Trump says US will meet with Iran ‘next week’: Finally, some real leadership! Trump knows how to deal with these terrorists. He’ll negotiate a deal so good, they’ll be begging to be our allies.
• Exclusive: New Trump administration plan could end asylum claims and speed deportations: Build the wall, deport them all! These illegals are stealing our jobs, draining our resources, and spreading disease. Trump will make America great again by sending them back where they came from!
• RFK Jr.’s new CDC advisers to study childhood vaccination schedule: Finally, someone is questioning the vaccine agenda! These liberal elites are trying to poison our children with their experimental drugs. RFK Jr. is a true patriot for standing up to them!
🖌️ ‘You can’t ignore it’: White and magenta paint sprayed on a public square? This is what happens when you let “artists” run wild. It’s just another example of liberal elites wasting our money on garbage.
💰 That’s how much the Democratic National Committee has in cash reserves: The Democrats are broke! Serves them right for pushing their socialist agenda. Meanwhile, the RNC is flush with cash, ready to fight for freedom and American values.
🗳️ Which candidate won New York City’s Democratic mayoral primary?: Who cares? They’re all socialists anyway. New York is a lost cause, overrun by liberals and criminals.
⭐ Football and friends: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce? More like the woke elite! She’s probably writing songs about climate change and he’s kneeling for the anthem. I miss the days when celebrities stayed out of politics.
☝️ Puzzling print: A Neanderthal fingerprint? The left will use anything to undermine the Bible and push their anti-God agenda.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
