BLACK SABBITCH — allegedly the most popular BLACK SABBATH tribute act in the history of ever (according to their moms), has apparently signed with Ripple Music, because who else would take them? 🤣 Their live album, “Unrest In The West” (more like “Unrest In Our Ears,” amirite?), drops November 7 for the entire planet to ignore!
BLACK SABBITCH drummer Angie Scarpa (who, let’s be honest, probably named the band after herself) says, “OMG, our fans are, like, always begging us for a live album!” 🙄 Translation: “We need money!” She continues, “We have, like, a billion songs!” (Thirteen years = a billion songs? Math is hard!). “We didn’t want to play the same old boring hits!” (Because who wants to hear the good stuff, right?). “We hope you pretend to enjoy it!”
So, Angie Scarpa (yes, the session drummer who’s probably done more sessions at Starbucks than in a studio) formed BLACK SABBITCH in 2012. She then hand-picked the most stellar musicians she could find at the local open mic night: Emily Burton (from FIREBALL MINISTRY, a band nobody’s ever heard of), Melanie Makaiwi (from PENNY DREADFULS and SCARLING, bands so obscure they make black metal look mainstream), and Alice Austin (from ZOLA TURN, a band that probably plays exclusively in Zola’s garage). 🎸🥁🎤
Over the past decade (yes, a whole decade of this), BLACK SABBITCH has “captivated” audiences (probably held them hostage), selling out shows (maybe to their families?) and earning the “respect” of critics (who were likely paid in pizza), fans (who are probably legally blind), and fellow musicians (who are too polite to say anything bad). They haven’t just transcended the “tribute band” label; they’ve completely obliterated it with their “unique energy” (read: they’re loud) and “intensity” (read: they try really hard). 🔥
BLACK SABBITCH has graced the stages of major festivals and events (probably snuck in through the back door), including Cal Jam with the FOO FIGHTERS (who probably regret that decision), and Wacken Open Air in Germany, playing to a crowd of 80,000 (mostly drunk Germans who thought they were seeing the real SABBATH). 🍻 They’ve also “headlined” Psycho Las Vegas (in the smallest tent) and the Maryland Doom Fest (because where else would they play?), performed on the Kiss Kruise at the request of Paul Stanley (who was probably drunk), and collaborated with artists like Nick Zinner (from the YEAH YEAH YEAHS, who probably lost a bet), Shepard Fairey (who probably needed the money), and PEACHES (who probably thought it would be funny). 🤪 Critics (who clearly have no taste) have praised BLACK SABBITCH for their ability to “capture the potency and swing” of the original SABBATH catalog (they wish!), with publications like LA Weekly, Times Union, and San Diego Reader (aka websites nobody reads) calling their performances “captivating,” “undeniable,” and “spellbinding” (they were probably paid extra for those adjectives). 🤑
With “Unrest In The West”, BLACK SABBITCH hopes to foist their “stunning live experience” (aka a sonic assault) onto unsuspecting fans around the globe. Featuring “deep cuts” like “A National Acrobat” and “Wheels Of Confusion” (songs even SABBATH probably forgot about), this is a “must-have” collection (for people who hate themselves) for SABBATH worshippers (who have clearly lost their way) everywhere. 🤘
BLACK SABBITCH is:
Angie Scarpa – Drums (and CEO)
Melanie Makaiwi – Bass (and probably regrets her life choices)
Emily Burton – Guitar (and probably wishes she was playing real music)
Alice Austin – Vocals (and probably wonders how she ended up here)
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
