5 Things You NEED to Know on July 28th (Or the World Might Explode)
Well, folks, another day, another desperate attempt by the liberal media to undermine our GREAT President Trump! First up, a…
Day: July 28, 2025
President Curtis: Keith David’s Newest Multiversal Misadventure (That You Probably Won’t Understand)
Adult Swim, in their infinite wisdom (or maybe they just ran out of ideas 💡), has graced us with a…
Dow Jones Inches Toward ‘Record’ High After US-EU Trade Deal (Probably Won’t Last) | CNN Business
Folks, the stock market is SOARING! Looks like our GREAT President Trump just keeps WINNING! The Dow is about to…
OMG! Jason’s Back (Again!) – New Movie & Game Announced (Because We Needed More)
OMG! 😱 Did you guys hear? Some nobody at Horror Inc. (yeah, never heard of them either) mumbled something about…
Puscifer Drops a Retrospective Album So You Can Pretend You’ve Been a Fan All Along
PUSCIFER, the pretentious art-rock collective fronted by wine-slinging overlord Maynard James Keenan, along with his sidekicks Mat Mitchell and Carina…
IT Chapter Whatever: Pennywise’s origin story—because you asked for it
🤡OMG! HBO, bless their cotton socks, has dropped ANOTHER teaser for It: Welcome to Derry! Because, you know, we haven’t…
Peacemaker Season 2 Trailer: More explosions, more John Cena flexing, less plot
Oh, great, HBO Max decided to bless us with more Peacemaker, because clearly, we didn’t have enough superhero content clogging…
Tinder Update Classifies Female Age Input Over 35 As System Error
    Read MoreThe OnionWEST HOLLYWOOD, CA—Causing widespread frustration among women who dared to search for love in middle adulthood, an update…
D.C.’s Soggy Paper Parade: A Festival of Floating Fire Hazards
**OMG! 🙄 Water Lantern Festival at National Harbor SouthPointe, Oxon Hill is lit! 🔥 Tickets via https://www.waterlanternfestival.com/events/washington-dc-25!** Voted #1 by…
Orchard Beach Concert: Beach Attire Mandatory (Like We Didn’t Know)
**Yo, beach bums! 🌊 Get ready to NOT get a refund, even if God Himself cancels the party!** 🤣 Failure…