OMG! 😱 Did you guys hear? Some nobody at Horror Inc. (yeah, never heard of them either) mumbled something about a new Friday the 13th movie and, wait for it… a VIDEO GAME! 🎮 Like, as if we needed another reason to hide under our beds. Seriously, who asked for this? 🙄
So, apparently, Jason Voorhees (the guy with the hockey mask who can’t seem to stay dead🧟) celebrated his 45th birthday at San Diego Comic Con 2025. 🥳 Forty-freaking-five years! He’s older than my grandma! 👵 And Horror Inc.’s VP, Robbie “Who-Cares” Barsamian, dropped the bomb that a new Friday the 13th sequel film and video game are in “early development.” Early development? That could mean anything! They could be still brainstorming over which flavor of fake blood 🩸 to use.
Barsamian (still don’t care) mentioned that it’s been a whole 16 years since Jason graced the big screen. Sixteen years! I’ve had socks older than that. He actually said, “I can tell you that a new sequel movie and a new sequel game are at the top of our list. It’s where most of our energy’s going right now. And I can tell you finally we’re in a position to deliver on that.” Deliver what? More jump scares and terrible acting? 🎬 Thanks, but no thanks. 🙅♀️
And get this, they’re calling their 45th-anniversary campaign “Sweet Revenge.” 🍬 Sweet revenge for what? For making us waste our money on these movies in the first place? They also described it as a “short-form vignette.” 🍇 Vignette? What is this, a wine tasting? 🍷
Apparently, the crowd went “ecstatic” when they heard this news. Ecstatic? Were they paid to be ecstatic? 🤔 I bet they were. Anyway, no details were shared about the movie or game. Surprise, surprise. 🎁 Remember IllFonic’s Friday the 13th: The Game? Yeah, that was a dumpster fire 🔥 that launched in 2017 and got shut down on Dec. 31, 2024. Good riddance. 👋
There’s also a prequel series called Crystal Lake in production from A24 and Peacock. Peacock? Is that still a thing? 🦚 Showrunner Brad Caleb Kane sent a video message. 📧 Who cares, Brad? We want details, not your awkward Zoom call.
Ultimately, the hockey mask killer is coming back in big ways. 🔨 Big ways to disappoint us, probably. 🤷♀️
